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Friday, May 20, 2011

YANKEETORIAL: John Sterling's good sportsmanship, involking the mercy rule in last night's 13-2 beatdown, elevates the Yankiverse to a higher moral plane on eve of Rapture

Today, Yankee fans have risen slightly closer to Heaven -- courtesy of the legendary Voice of the Yankees, driven by Jeep.

No one -- not even Curtis Montague Schilling -- can question our sportsmanship and Platonic love, after John Sterling last night chose not to symbolically chop the penis off our victim, the Baltimore Orioles,and stuff it into the corpse's mouth, in our friendly 13-2 drubbing.

Yes, instead of rubbing it in, The Master chose to wrest the tiny O's from the hook, playfully stroke the fins of the hapless fish, and then let it swim away, to return someday for another relentless debasement.

This is the third time this season John has withheld his traditional WinWarble, saying only: "Ballgame over, Yankees win." In mercy rule settings, he does not cry the name of God -- "THUH"-- nor does John elongate the final phrase for up to 7.33 seconds, as measured by the WinWarble scale of 2009.

Today, Yankiverse, thanks to our Voice, we can enjoy a moment of private smugness, validating our purpose in life, as Yankee fans. We've done our community service. We've helped the downtrodden. We've given to the poor.

Feel proud, Yankiverse. We're going to heaven, after all. And the elevator goes through Shea.

4 comments:

PokerFiend said...

This was a stunning victory, and a great entertainment to watch. It's time to crush the Mets now!

Joe De Pastry said...

I wonder how Buck slept last night.
I hope he didn't.

Rusty Staub said...

buck sucks mad dick

Rob said...

he probably got wasted and slept for the following 2 days, that's what i'd do, at least.