May Day! May Day! The bottom has dropped out of the Yankee lineup

Five hits last night.

Five stinking hits - off of that famous dual of Koufax and Drysdale - no, wait... Ramirez and Andriese...

Five meaningless hits, all from the first three batters in our lineup. After that, nothing... nada, zilch, groobah, quadringo, pssssssssssss...

Over the last two seasons - an era fraught with line score zeros - Joe Giardi has regularly filled out the lower rungs of his lineup cards with Scrantonians and candidates for AARP. Last year, we often saw names like Zelous Wheeler, Brian Roberts and Kelly Johnson coming up - and knew it was a good time to make a sandwich - but hurry, because the half-inning might last only 90 seconds. The Yankee sixth through ninth batters have been like that dead zone in the Pacific, where all the world's plastic grocery bags are floating. Nothing survives. It's a sea of lost hope.

Against Tampa these last three nights, the floor once again caved in. Repeatedly, Ellsbury and Gardner got on base, and - poof - there they stayed. Get to the bottom half of the Yankee lineup, and everyone goes to sleep. The opposing pitcher gets on a role, and soon, it's time for Suzyn's Clubhouse Report.

Six through nine... our dead zone.

Sixth Last Night: Remember when Mighty Chris Young was challenging for MLB Comeback Player of the Year, and Brian Cashman was being hailed as the Yoda of NYC? Cash signed Young off the scrap heap for a measly $5 million - (same price tag as Stephen Drew, BTW) On March 2, Young was hitting .317. Last night, after his 0-4, he finished at .288. He is now 3 for his last 17. The only question is how low these numbers will slide. Last year, with the Mets, Young hit .205.

Seventh: Behind him was Chase Headley, whose fielding has been superior, as long as his back holds up. He's hitting .236. For the record, that's 44 points lower than Yangervis Solarte, the man we traded for Headley. Yangervis is hitting .280 at San Diego with 2 HRs and 20 RBIs. (Headley has 14.)

Eighth: Here lies the body of Didi Gregorius, riding at .206 - a number the Yankiverse is gradually accepting as his carer fate. If the Yankees had a powerhouse lineup, they could rationalize a light-hitting, good glove SS. This year, I'm not so sure.

Ninth: Finally, there was Jose Pirela, replacing Drew. We still don't know about Pirela. But it's interesting that he was batting below Didi. It's a philosophy touted in recent years by the YES mouthpieces: By having a better hitter bat ninth, you have "an extra leadoff man" to set up Ellsbury and Gardner." It also means Pirela won't come to bat as often as Didi. And we still don't even know if that's a good thing.

Five stinking hits. Three losses in a row. Repeating: May Day... Mayday... Mayday...