What Exactly Is Hoof Nad Mouth Disease, Anyway?

Brian Cashman must have had someone on his staff do the negotiating, otherwise he might have contracted this bovine disease himself.

The " ground zero" of this new plague upon the Yankees, looks like this:



JJ Happ has to be the only player in history to have arrived at the stadium with full blown hoof and mouth disease.

One wonders about the due diligence process, but I digress.

So JJ can't be in the clubhouse ( it is contagious ).  He shouldn't even be in the state.  And he must not mix with cows and horses.

The symptoms expected are;

1.  Low velocity
2.  Lack of command
3.  No bite on breaking balls.
4.  Give up three run homers in late innings.
5.  Induce no double plays, but lots of doubles.
6.  Absence of " out" pitch
7.  ERA in the 5's.
8.  Pushing retirement age.
9.  Short-term contract.

Hopefully, with rest and isolation, he can pitch to Jesus Sanchez and we can all have a moo.