Virtual Baseball: Cole Train Back on Track, Runs Down A's Like So Many Disoriented Sheep

(Say it with me: WRITTEN BY HORACECLARKE66!)

Virtual Gerrit Cole was in true, midseason form today, shutting down the Oakland Moneyballers, 11-0, with seven, two-hit inning of classic Cole Train.  

Meanwhile, the Yanks made Oakland starter Mike "The Squealer" Fiers follow the bouncing ball around the Stadium. A trio of doubles by The Gleyber, home runs by Gio Urshela and Mike Ford, and a long, bases-loaded triple by Aaron Hicks brought the New York team across the finish line a proper lather.

Many Americans, though, were likely distracted by the campaign rallies held around the country, and the growing scandal over just who is driving the Wall Street boom, and why.  

Third-party pick Jesse Ventura said that he would like to put Wall Street in a headlock, "and just pound and pound and pound," while President Donald Trump, speaking before a cheering crowd at his New Jersey country club,  shrugged, "Russians, Shmussians, it's still money, ain't it?"  

Unpopular Democratic candidate Joe Biden, meanwhile, warned voters that a safer place to put their money would be "in a mattress, or maybe bury in a tin box up behind the old abandoned Flynn place, under a really spooky  weeping willow.  Sure, that's the ticket!"