Virtual Baseball: Pale Hose Happy to Get Away as Higgy Smashes Them to Sub-Atomic Particles!

(Written on a napkin by Horace Clarke666, whose computer has moved to the Hebrew Home at Riverdale. It's just like a college campus!)

Today's Virtual Getaway Wednesday ended in yet another Yankees series victory, as starter Clarke Schmidt returned to the hill to triumph in a pitchers' duel against Chicago starter Gio Gonzalez, 3-2.

Home runs by Nicky "The Maitre'd" Delmonico and Tim Anderson gave the White Outs an early lead, with the Yankees able only to muster an opposite field roundtripper by The General, D.J. LeMahieu.  But in the seventh, LeMahieu beat out a bunt and Yankees back-up catcher Kyle Higashioka smacked a ball off the foul pole in left to win the game.  Closer Cool Hand Chapman pitched a 1-2-3 ninth to walk away with the save.

Yet another bunt by the Yankees further enraged Commissioner Rob Manfredmann, who called the team, "the bad boys of baseball."  

"Hey, we play by our own rules," said Schmidt, who struck out nine in his seven innings of work.  "I mean, that is, as long as they're written down in the major-league rule book and everything."

Meanwhile, in other news Democratic House members clamored for an investigation into just what's behind the unprecedented Wall Street boom.  Media reports indicated that yet another suspicious, online mega-broker, Kompromizidat.com, seems to be in cahoots with KozyBear.com to artificially inflate the market.

The demand was ridiculed by new Trump spokesman Lonn Trost, who told Democrats, "Just what is there about peace and prosperity that you can't abide.  What's the worst case scenario?  A secret Russian intelligence operation is trying to make us all rich and happy?  Why, where I come from, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth!"

Trost later walked back the statement, admitting that where he came from, there were no horses.