Thursday, August 27, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Yanks Beat Down Birds Again, Look Ahead to Real Teams.

The Virtual New York Yankees blasted the virtually major-league Baltimore Orioles again tonight, 12-6, to move to within one game of those taunting, teasing Tampa Bay Rays.

Once again wanting to spare his real starters any innings against these boobs, manager Ma Boone started Mike King, who turned in what MLB has now designated a "Meh start," as opposed to a "quality start," pitching 5 innings and allowing four earned runs.

That was more than enough for the Yankees' usual, meat-grinder attack, however, as the Bombers bashed a variety of faceless Baltimore hurlers for 18 hits, including homers by Mike Ford, Gio Urshela, Walkie Tauchman, Clint Frazier, and...The Gleyber.

"People think walkovers like these are really easy," said Boone afterwards.  "But they're not.  Beating a team like Baltimore is a lot like slaughtering a pig, or maybe even a moose.  It takes time, it does a number on your body, all that hacking and running the bases."

In other Yankees news, phantom slugger Giancarlo Stanton was finally removed from the team roster today, and added to the little-used, "Missing, Presumed Dead or in Oz" reserve list.  The last player to be put on the list was Ed Delehanty, of the Washington Senators, who thought "had taken the Emerald Road" when he disappeared during the 1903 season.

To the relief of realists everywhere, though, it was found instead that he had simply got drunk and toppled into Niagara Falls.

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