Friday, December 6, 2024

Dear Mr. Soto, On the first anniversary of your trade to NY, here are10 reasons why you MUST sign with the Yankees

1. Ten years hitting in front of Aaron Judge.

2. Six world championships. (At least.)

3. Skipper Boone loves your zany hijinks. (He always  falls for the black eye telescope.)

4. Cashman will continue to do laundry on Tuesdays and Fridays. 

5. Host SNL. (Note: Last jock to do it bagged Taylor Swift.)

6. You'll wake up in the city that never sleeps, king of the hill, A-number one, top of the heeeeeeap!

7. RF porch ensures 40 HRs per season. (At least.)

8. Escape the red tape of getting a new library card.

9. Mayor Eric Adams!

10. Um, humina humina humina... did I mention Aaron Judge?

Honorable Mention: You will avoid - um, let's call it criticism - on this site and forever be feted with the love, courtesy and respect for which IT IS HIGH is known. 

20 comments:

TheWinWarblist said...

Let it go. It just doesn't matter...

13bit said...

Exactly, Winnie. He’s either a RedSock or a Met.

BTR999 said...

We ARE a pretty courteous and respectful group here.

JM said...

The whole drama is so disgusting I do not care where he goes. All this holding court and Boras-ness, and the numbers being thrown around...it's nauseating.

Typing Boras' name, though, got me wondering. Do they still sell Boraxo? It was amazing stuff, abrasive, sure, but really effective. And they sponsored Death Valley Days and had that 20 mule team thing going.

AboveAverage said...

Per the "safe half of the time from Nukes" theory - he could still sign with the Royals or the Rockies. . . .

ranger_lp said...

Dan Bartels
@DanBartels2
·
5h
The Mets have reportedly offered Juan Soto 15Y/$700M, per Adrian Mendoza.

BTR999 said...

@JM. https://www.homedepot.com/p/20-Mule-Team-65-oz-Borax-Laundry-Booster-Multi-Purpose-Household-Cleaner-2340000201/202885877?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US

HoraceClarke66 said...

Pretty funny, Duque...in kind of an awful, tragic way. And I LOVED that twenty-mule team thing. My mom actually sent away box tops for me to get the plastic model.

HoraceClarke66 said...

JM, I only wish that Scott Boras would turn his hand to literary agenting, and represent me. I think the real culprits here are the Yankees, who I don't believe were ever willing to go beyond a set number they knew was too low, but let it appear that they were "in the hunt" in order to fool our gullible asses.

I don't think anyone will be fooled, this time. And in the end...I don't think Hal Steinbrenner gives a fuck.

JM said...

So, BTR, I don't see the old powdered hand soap on that site. I'm sure something else has come along that's less harsh but works as well.

JM said...

Man, I don't think I'd pay that. Yow.

JM said...

So if the Mets offer $700 million over 15 and the Yanks offer $550 million over 12 or 13...let's see, carry the one, divide by 15 then 12...yeah, we're fucked.

acrilly said...

No kid grows up wanting to be “THE Met”, but plenty want to be a “TRUE Yankee” (copyright pending). I think that may matter to Soto now that he’s worn the pinstripes. I remain stupidly optimistic.

Oasisdave said...

He just needs to get on with it and make a decision already. Times a wasting and Cashole needs to make some more bad decisions

TheWinWarblist said...

acrilly is becoming delirious and delusional. Some get them to an ER.

Kevin said...

Horace, I think that teams set a 'will not go past' number for everyone (yeah, I know, he's a Generational Talent). Remember when George used to get mocked by Gammons, et al for "bidding against himself"? Really, the Mets would probably be the best place for him as far as Yankee threats are concerned. I sure as HELL don't wish him to settle upon the Sux (oh, hell, the juju gods thing), the Dodgers, or Jays. Seven hundred million? NFW. I don't wish to go to my box watching him jog to first, or some other gut-bomb. I was thinking, is Soto better than Ted Williams? So far, no way. Even with Ted and some other pretty fair ballplayers Williams wound-up with the same number of rings as Donnie Baseball. All is not lost.

Kevin said...

Well, being optimistic is no crime except when viewing potential brides or gambling. But in this case that fellow is going to vacuum up every penny that he can get his hands on. Sorry.

Doug K. said...

"Clay Holmes leaving Yankees for Mets on three-year, $38 million contract." NYP

Doctor T said...

Too true, Horace. Hal doesn't give a fuck. I expect I'll be seeing Brian, feet up, in a dumpster somewhere, looking for talent where his crack analytics squad told him to go.

AboveAverage said...


It is late here - is it late there? please take the time you need to check a time keeping device and respond accordingly