Listenup: Last night was a scam, a sham, a blemish on the sanctity of the game. The outcome was never in doubt. The Yankees were always going to lose. It was a Mathematical Certainty... a Juju Grand Convergence... a Death Barge Singularity.
We were always going to lose...
How can I say this? WTF! It was obvious.
1. We were riding a hot streak.
2. We were playing the worst team in baseball.
3. They were throwing a meatball pitcher.
4. His strategy seemed to be walking leadoff batters.
5. The crowd was full of Yankee fans.
6. We took an early lead.
7. The YES team kept blathering about all the HRs we would hit.
Add two key DP grounders, a pile of RISPs, a simultaneous Knicks debacle, and you've got a juju recipe for par-boiled turd. And here's the secret sauce:
We will lose again today.
Of course, we will. Colorado is certifiably awful. Their pitching is horrendous. Thus, they will shut us down. Does anybody here not sense a looming Rockies sweep?
That's what the Yankees have done to us over the last 15 years, and it's why - no matter what the standings say - it's damn near impossible to sustain hope for this team ever winning anything meaningful.
Yeah, I sound like a spoiled brat, a princess on a pea. I should sit in my Fisher Price playhouse and count my testicles, delighted that the Yankees will clinched the AL East for Memorial Day weekend. I should leave it there. Trouble is, last October, we saw what we saw. The Dodgers held up to our pocked chin a funhouse mirror that magnified every Yankee flaw by a factor of - well - let's say 99. And we know it will happen again. Last night, the Knicks sent us a coded message:
In the end, everything shall boil down to the bounce of a ball, and the days of expecting it to go our way - well - those days are gone.
For now, here's my best snakebite juju. Not sure it will work, but it's all I got. Here's my best shot at avoiding a Memorial Weekend sweep.
In the name of Billy Joel, and in the grace of Captain Judge - the greatest player of the modern era - I hereby ask for a restraining order to be placed upon the juju gods, forestalling the outcomes of the next two games, and I submit Article A in his name...
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12 comments:
We're doomed, I tell ya. Doomed.
Where were our vaunted bats, our league leading run scoring, our breathers of thin Rocky Mountain air slamming the ball over every wall in the park?
Nowhere. Judge did manage one. Goldie did fine.
Where were our guys?
Grateful to have gone to bed early last evening.
Maybe I can take an afternoon nap and avoid today's butchery.
Or maybe just drink a lot...
Remember your days in Colorado. That’ll get you through whatever is thrown your way (except a Fried injury - anything but THAT please)
No Bellinger last night? Time for Grisham to take a seat. He’s not fooling me.
Don't know if anyone has noticed but the Yankees have only scored seven runs in the last three games.
The Second Coming? Jesus is batting .389 at SWB.
True that, Doug. Of course, Texas had a very good pitching staff. Colorado does not...
But here we once again see Boone's Yankees reverting to form:
—Losing a close game.
—Team playing without much evidence of desire.
—Just as Boone loves to give guys a day on the bench after an off-day, so the Yanks took two off. A mail-it-in, getaway day in lousy weather...followed by a mail-it-in day after a flight to Denver.
I know, I know. It's very hard for twenty-something millionaires to get up for their three hours of work, in their eight-month work schedule. But still. It would be nice to see desire, occasionally.
As for the Knicks, I return to Air Supply's greatest hit:
"I'm all out of fucks..."
1. Has this not been the problem for too long to remember? 2. How many times have the Yankees gone down in the playoffs because of their overrated and easily pitched to lineup? When the Yankees lost to the Astros (who cheated,) they did not hit ot score? 3. How much longer will the Yankees Genusises preach swing up and do not worry about stiking out? 4. Actually be 3B. How much longer will The Yankees hitters leave men on third with less than two outs? 5. This does not apply to last night's game. I had to add it. It does apply to the last game vs. Texas, where the Yankees scored one measly run. How many times will the buffoon manager make out lineups with Escarra, Vivas and Paeraza? 6. Finally, when will the owner comes to his senses. Genius Cashman constructs poor rosters.
Yeah, edb, but aside from that...
Yes indeed, JM. We all have to suffer through it!
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