The Yankees are a lousy team atop a lousy division, propped up by one fantastical advantage. What happens if they lose it?

Take out a pen and paper. Today's Quickie Pop Quiz Essay Question is: 

Where would the Yankees be without Aaron Judge, and what happens if he tweaks a gonad?

For starters, let's note that Judge's gonads are the size of weather balloons, and the ensuing black hole in the Yankee lineup would rival anything the poets of Calcutta ever conceived. 

That said, wipe out his team-leading 11 HRs (2nd in MLB), and the Yankees would still have 46 dingers, 6th in MLB, just ahead of the Oakland Sacramento Las Vegas Boxcar Willie A's. 

Ditch his 33 RBIs and 32 runs scored and - beyond the statistical cliff-dive - you've still attained a middle-of-the-pack total, above San Diego, Cleveland and Tampa. And the Yankees could be gaining the bat of - oh, let's say - Dominick Smith!, currently hitting a robust .222 at Scranton, giving new meaning to the word "replacement." 

Statistically, sans Judge, the 2025 Yankees would be a namby-pamby, up-and-down, middle-of-the-road nothing burger.

But spiritually - ouch - here's where it gets gnarly. If Judge goes down, even for just two weeks, there is nobody - nothing, nada, nope - in the larder.  What we'd have is a lineup that makes the 2013 Yankees of Vernon Wells & Pronk look like the Harlem Globetrotters, suiting up against Red Klotz and his Washington Generals. (Or, more simplified, we'd be the Generals.)

I say this not to scare you. Wait. Who am I kidding.? I say this to terrify you... Because these days, we should be absolutely pissing into our pantaloons, wondering when the ultimate shoe will drop on this wretched month? 'Tis the Season of the Tweak, people. Over the last few weeks, the Yankees have lost a) Clarke Schmidt, b) D.J. LeMahieu, c) Jazz Chisholm and d) Anthony Volpe - and while the duration of each setback remains unclear - (Schmidt might pitch tonight) - the only real positive has been than none were playing all that well, and it's not as if we lost an MVP candidate.  

So... what happens if we lose Judge - not just an MVP candidate, but a Triple Crown leader? Welp, lemme tell ya what happens: 

A complete and utter Yankee Chernobyl, with glowing wolves and charred porcupines. We'd watch Ben Rice try to fill the void, overcompensating and falling into a career-threatening slump. We'd watch Spencer Jones - the 23-year-old, would-be 6'7" Judge doppelganger, who leads the Eastern League in HRs, though he strikes out 44 percent of the time - struggle in the majors and get traded for a clone of Lyle Overbay. 

Over the last four years, Judge has averaged 142 games per season. Two years ago, when he broke the wall in LA, he missed 50 games. It can happen here. In each game, the Yankees are one thin warning track away from a disaster movie that would make Roland Emmerich proud. 

I don't mean to demean Paul Goldschmidt, who might be better than we dared hope, but last year, the Yankees had two great hitters, back to back. This year, they have one. We will always be one pitch, one dive, one wall away from disaster. 'Tis the Season of the Tweak. Beware...