A personal message from our captain

Bringing the High, High Heat

Today Yankees officials announced that Dr. Garrett Reisman, an astronaut at NASA, is to throw out the ceremonial first pitch from the International Space Station before Wednesday night's Red Sox game.

According to preliminary calculations, the regulation Spaulding baseball is expected to reenter the Earth's atmosphere at a speed of 16,000 m.p.h., and will arrive at the visiting team's bench sometime during the fourth inning -- on fire.

To the IIHIIFIIC Staff

Hello, good afternoon, and welcome.
This is your color commentator, Michael Kei.
For every Yankee base hit during tonights game, everyone will receive 1 (one) free beer (my choice; not necessarily full):

For every Yankee run, everyone will receive 1 (one) free burger (possibly cooked):

And if the Yankees actually win the game (win, not lose), I will steal as many of these as I can (without being arrested):

Memo to Staff from Marketing Department

To: Staff writers
From: Wailin' Suzyn, VP for Marketing
Re: Your writing

I'm reading today's sappy posts (see below) and they make me wanna puke.

It's like reading scripts for "Little House on the Praire" or "The Waltons" or "Full House" for cryin' out loud.

What's with this sappy niceness all of a sudden? What this blog needs is a little passion, a little fire, a little zest!

Pick it up or we'll find writers who eat concrete for breakfast, shit cinder blocks for lunch, and for supper, well, a light salad with a white wine is nice ... BUT DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT BECOMING A VEGETARIAN OR VEGAN OR ANY OF THAT CRAPOLA.

Ephraim and David Go to the White House

Um. So.

Did you see the story about the 22-year-old selling weapons to the
Pentagon?

And did you wonder what kind of a stoner road movie Hollywood would make about him?

Well, yeah.

Um.

So yeah.

Inside Baseball: The IT IS HIGH office party bash

OK. OK. OK.

Ohhhhhh! Kaaaaay!

Enough with the e-mails, the letters, the couriers. We give.

Here are the behind-the-scenes shots from our weekly IT IS HIGH tailgate party, staged just before our last dust-up with the Tampa Bay Rays. We went a little overboard, but hey, we deserve it. We've been bustin' tail working on the fundamentals of covering the Yankees, correcitng misschpellings, syntax (heh, heh, we're party animals, get it?) and figuring out who was the sad hack who had to go back to the minors and work at Rays Index for a little more seasoning. (Sorry, Roger, we'll miss ya.)

Anyways, we got so carried away at the tailgate we missed the game! El duque tried a make-up post and used a Blue Jays game picture instead of a Rays game picture, but, hey, who cares!

So call off the lawyers, here are the shots.

This is Whitey Fraud, with a vixen trying to eat his Yankee hat.

This is I'm Bill White, with Mons Meg at his right wearing her mother's homemade cowboy hat. The Jersey girl on his left looks familiar somewhow, but we don't exactly remember the name. Hmmmm.

Wailin' Suzyn is in this photo. We're not saying which one to protect the writer's identity as leader of the IT IS HIGH I-Team.

This is Prince Frankenstein, on the left. What can we say? The guy's livin' the dream in Seattle!

We cleaned up Alphonso a little for this shot. He's the one in the "81" jersey.

Livin' up to his name is BernBabyBern, who got a little too much sun down here, not to mention a hilariously sweet haircut.

And, of course, the guy who spills his guts on these pages for our readers every day, el duque. (Honestly, his ego's not that big.)

(Seriously, looking for a laugh today? Check out Hot Chicks with Douchebags, the place where our party shots are stored for safe keeping.)

Memo: To IT IS HIGH staff from the Marketing Department

To: IT IS HIGH writers
From: Marketing Department
Re: Headline writing

Please examine the list of headlines below from one of our favorite sites, www.sportspyder.com. Notice anything odd?




You writers have completely missed the biggest story of the day! Let's get with it, folks. Be original on your own time! When you're here, you're expected to help the cause. Now, will somebody please write a "mahvelous" story for our readers?