Grady Sizemore: The Steak on the Lake

Good grief, if we lose to this guy, he'll go Google Zeitgeist in 30 days.

We're talking simultaneous covers of Maxim and Wheaties. He'll steal Katie Holmes from Tom Cruise, then steal Tom Cruise from Katie Holmes. He'll not only market his line of perfume, he'll sell his line of Viagra. He could snag the remaining Bush twin. Think of it: He could end up with Laura as Mother-in-Law, attending kid parties with Mary Cheney, and her specially hired birthday rapper, MC Rove. This guy could end up as the U.S. Senator from Idaho, bewildered over his true sexuality and groping for friendly hands beneath the toilet stall partitions in faraway airports.

All because the Indians beat us.

To save this guy's soul, we must win.