The Bud Selig Magic 8-Ball

Yeeeesh. Bud Selig held a news conference today, hinting that baseball officials won't face fines for the steroids scandal. They might as well have been interviewing a rock.

This is what Mr. Quotebox said:

ON THE SCANDAL: "Whatever has happened has happened."

ON PLAYERS NAMED IN THE SCANDAL: "Just the announcement of all their names was punishment enough."

ON THE YANKEES CHARGING $500 TO $2,500 FOR SEATS NEXT YEAR: "They know their market better than I do."

ON ESPN CONFRONTING MIGUEL TEJADA WITH THE FACT THAT HE'S 33, TWO YEARS OLDER THAN HE CLAIMS: ""I was saddened by it."

Yeeeeesh.

Next time, they should raise these subjects:

GENOCIDE IN DARFUR: "The world can be a terrible place."

PEDOPHILES WHO LIVE AMONG US: "Far be it from me to judge."

NAKED, BIG-BREASTED BIKER CHICKS: "They certainly have a better idea about what they want than I do."

AMBIVALENCE: "Hard to say."