Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Truth About El Duque's 5 Day Drinking Binge

El Duque wants to come across as a tough guy.  A real drinker.  Jack on the rocks.  Beer chasers.  Slim Jims and pickled eggs in hot pepper brine for his only food of the day.

The truth is; he is sitting by a pool while some guy in a red jacket brings him rum swizzles with vacation names like:  fire fox fizz, or lemon lift off.

He wants me to apologize for ripping the Hinske trade.  We are 1-4 with Hinske in the line-up.  He so badly mis-read a lollipop to right field the other day, he almost didn't get to it.

And our real talent, Ramiro Pena, now languishes in foot-long meatball hero hell, learning how to play a position that Nick Swisher plays. 

 He will be traded with AJ, Cervelli, and Jesus for a 42nd round draft pick of the Twins.  And then become an all star.

Hinske will next season  become a greeter at some Italian restaurant upstate named "Vesuvius."

Have a drink for me, El Duque.  Have a "blue tickler moon slobber" with your crab salad.

So drink up, Duque, and don't forget to take two aspirin before your first umbrella drink of the day.


Anonymous said...

I read all your posts as if they are in a chubby girls diary.

el duque said...

Anonymous, this is the worst and greatest thing that has ever been said to me.

Anonymous said...

Alph commenting from his joke account?