Saturday, July 18, 2009

Yankeetorial: Julio or Cody? Forget Pinstripes. Which looks better in nylons?

To the Yankiverse:

It's that time when teams who have steadily gushed over players to pitch them into the sea and announce that they were always bums.

The Redsocks yesterday excreted Julio Lugo, who they once tabbed to replace Orlando Cabrera, after they pitched him overboard. It's starting to look like SS could become Boston's Tino Martinez position -- that is, where they ditch a fine player due to their gluttony, then go eight years trying to replace him.

Today, we have the deliciously kinky chance to have Lugo play for us, while the Redsocks pay his $8 million tab.

Not sure what to do? Consider our dilemma.

The sexy, raven-haired, 34-year-old wife of your office rival -- who has always flirted with you -- just filed for a divorce. She got the Mercedes. He calls her a skank, a whore, a runaround Sue. And yes, whenever she passed you in cocktail parties, wearing that micro, skin tight skirt, you took notice. And she noticed you noticing. O, YES! JULIO SURE DID! Now, she's loose and calling you. She wants to meet. There's an awkward silence on the phone.


Remember: She bats .221 and has a tendency to kick balls.

Moreover, chase Julio, and you must drop your fiance -- the wholesome, rather plain-looking Cody Ransom. Cody's nowhere near as hot in a bikini, but she mows the lawn. She's known for her potato salad. A bit mousy in the face, wears too many pantsuits... but good lord, she can jump like a kangeroo!

What do you do?

Listen to Yank fans, and you'd think it was Cody -- not Arod -- who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter that night at the stadium. (By the way, where did I hear that news report?)

We say Cody is not bad-looking, in a Princess Leia in her robe sort of way. She knows a lot of positions. Want to sleep with Julio? Buy a paper bag!

1 comment:

Austin Powers said...

She's a carrier. Stay away from her, no matter how drunk you are.