Monday, July 13, 2009

A brief history of the Yankee Universe

We've launched a new scam, FAN CLUB, I meant FAN CLUB, FAN CLUB.

And it's a big fan club! Bigger than biggest! It's the Yankees Universe -- (why not Yankiverse?) -- which means it's bigger than some other team's nation, or planet, or solar system or even (insert Lindsay Lohan twat joke here.) Yes, the big bang has erupted, and the Yankee Universe has been formed!

Check this out for some sweet talkin' p.r. ghost of Arthur Rubenstein super-smooging:

"Membership privileges extend to all aspects of the fan experience, including exclusive Web site advantages, outstanding discounts on official Yankees Clubhouse merchandise, and Fast Track entrance perks on game day, all for only $19.95 for a membership valid through the end of the year!"

Twenty bucks for a wallet card and an on-line back rub from Girardi's pool boy. You'll get more for your $20 by setting fire to it next time Arod hits into a double play.

They must think we're stupid.

That's gotta be it.

They think we're stupid and rich.

That's what they thought when they tore down the stadium and built a steakhouse. They thought we wouldn't even notice that they desecrated a holy site and replaced it with a martini bar for billionaires.

They think we're stupid, rich and gutless.

(OK, I am sorry. I am lashing out again. I don't want to be this way. I want to be stupid and happy. I want to think Brian Bruney will be the bridge, that Swish will not prove the White Sox wrong, that Joba will prevail. But I don't! I don't believe any of that. I've gone over. I'm in a dark place -- did you know Sarah Palin's hair is thinning?!?! -- and I can't escape. In my dreams, I see Jose Molina and Jorge Posada trying to leg out infield hits. I see David Robertson turning to watch the ball disappear. I can't escape these images. Yankee Universe? We already have one. And right now, it's called HELL.)


MattG said...

We didn't lose to the Redsocks or Angels tonight!

J said...

somebody needs to bite the bullet and share just how terrible and frivolous the "Exclusive online content" is