Wednesday, May 4, 2011

To honor harsh interrogation methods that may have played minor role in capturing bin Laden, Yankees torture fans in loss to Tigers

Last night, Yankee baserunners introduced a new enhanced interrogation technique for disruptive fans: Baseboarding.

Here's how a baserunner does it:

1. Get lead off first base, eyeballing the pitcher with hard intensity, yelling, "Hey, pitchah, pitchah, pitchah."

2. Run halfway to second base.

3. Stop.

4. Look confused.

5. Submit to tag.

After two baseboardings last night, I coughed up my credit card number, Netflix password and the whereabouts to Jimmy Hoffa. (50 yard line, not the end zone, as per pop myth.)

PS: Late last night, this historic photograph of the White House watching Posada picked off first base was released:

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