Cashman agenda for today's GM meetings

9:30: Check in at hotel, identify hip, dangerous-looking bellhop who understands request to supply "board games" for tonight.

10:30: Continental breakfast. Arrive before Mets contingent pockets everything.

10:45: Sneak into Theo Epstein's room, plant mice, cockroaches, sprigs of poison ivy.

10:50: Hire stripper to visit Seattle GM hotel room and lie naked in bed, in sight of hidden photographer.

11:00: Convene GM meetings. Laugh about Redsock collapse. Present Epstein with ceremonial bucket of KFC. In spirit of good fun, pour contents of ceremonial bucket over Epstein's head.

11:30: Adjourn meeting after being separated from Epstein.

11:31: Begin initiation ceremonies for new Redsock GM Ben Cherrington by offering pink-belly and then forcing to inhale entire bottle of vodka.

Noon: Have drunken Cherrington run naked through hotel lobby.

1 p.m.: Using photos of Seattle GM and stripper, make first offer to trade Francisco Cervelli for King Felix.

2: Drop Cherrington off passed out, pennyless and dressed as lady in roughest section of city.

3:30: Pizzas and kegs arrive in room.

5: Arm wrestling contest with Theo.

7: "Board games" arrive. Play "Candyland," "Chutes and Ladders," and "Scrabble."

9: Using photos of Seattle GM playing "board games," trade Francisco Cervelli and Brandon Laird for King Felix.

10: Lights out. Return calls from Hank and Hal to say nothing happened, just another dull event.