Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Open letter to Commissioner Bud Selig: You must act now to clean up the game from the barnyard language used by the Texas Rangers

Dear Madam or Sir,

Goddammot, you bumfukking shitclod: Get off your asswipe.

The great American pasttime has been verbally soiled.

Yesterday, some pilgrim verbal morality posted on the Internet Ron Washington's war speech before Game 7 of the 2011 World Series, which is known in Texas as The Alamo II. It was the kind of scatological poopfest you'd get if George Patton sexytimed Courtney Love, and the baby was raised by Richard Prior.

Here's the NSFW boxscore, according to the site that posted it, JoeSportsFan.com.

Fuck: 16
Motherfucking: 13
Cocksucker: 5
Bitch: 2

Left unsaid were hell, shit, ass, fart (lesser), piss (lesser), and the c-word, which is so unhinging that we - a Yankee fan blog - dare not write it publicly, for fear of bad juju. (Surely, Ron Washington knew this; otherwise, it would have made a perfect label for Mike Young.)

For my money, he probably should have shot "shit" a little more. To rev-up the Yankees at home, I often call out Arod as a "shitass monkey dick," which he is at times. It seems to work.

Commissioner: While you're cleaning up the Internet, by banning honest copyright violations on YouTube, why not start in your own backyard. Send a message: BAN THE TEXAS RANGERS FROM BIDDING ON YU DARVISH. Save the game from Ron Washington and his pottymouth enabler, Nolan Ryan.


Alibi Ike said...

My teenager said, apropos of Carlin's "Seven Words You Can't Say on Television
", that he's never heard a single one of his peers use the word "Cocksucker."

Therefore I ask every reader of this blog to work to revive that word, using it at least 5 times daily, in as many diverse situations as you can. Without our work and diligence, this historic and wonderfully descriptive word will go the way of "numbnuts", "shitheel" and "funtunnel."

And poor Ron Washington will look like a relic from the cocaine-slathered seventies.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for providing several colorful new and hugely inappropriate words for my 7 & 8 year old boys to try out on me over breakfast this morning. Ok, they would have learned them eventually, and it was immensely funny to watch them get their heads around c-scker, but OMG not the way I wanted to start my morning, people!

Seriously, can we use #$% instead so I can let them continue to read? It's one of the few things I can actually get them to read. Please don't make me block this blog - they love you guys and so do I. Many thanks. Love, Mom (a huge fan)

Rufus T. Firefly said...

This makes me want to beat the motherfucking, cocksucking fucking motherfuckers even more.

Kei's Former Chauffeur said...

I used that word every 15 minutes on I-80. Both directions. You can five of 'em in just sitting in traffic on the GWB.