Cash has a stalker and, from the sound of things, she's been more baggage than the Kei Igawa signing

Yesterday, Brian Cashman won a legal restraining order against a female stalker who threatened to go Gloria Allred on him, after he apparently gave her $6,000 for an unspecified "medical procedure" - which, for my money, always means colonoscopy.

Yep, the video-eyed python. Happens all the time. A traveling general managers, tense from having just signed Sergio Mitre to a two-year, meets a Glenn Close-wannabe in an airport Ramada. During the elevator ride to Nirvana, she mentions blood in her stool, and the next thing you know, he wakes up with a mint on his pillow and the bill for her enema and 24-hour prep day on the can.

Cashman's stalker sounds like the type who could charitably be described as a "piece of work." She has a record for stalking and - worse - a degree from SUNY Albany. It's really not a funny story at all. Long ago, Cashman's marriage seems to have collapsed. Not even a World Series ring - which, by the way, we have not won since 2009! - can replace a shredded family.

Even the most enjoyable colonoscopies must be compromised by the feeling that - hey - the pleasure is only physical, and the feeling won't last.

The only question is whether the trauma of such an event can cause a thinking man to peddle away the greatest hitting prospect in a generation for less than fair market value. Time will tell.

But if Michael Pineda craps the crib, Cashman better get to court fast:

He'll need a restraining order from Alphonso. A free colonoscopy just won't cut it.