Please world, keep creepy Tom Brady's paws off Jeet

Must be a Michigan thing, but every time Tom Brady gets near Derek Jeter, it's like a lizard worshipping a turtle. His computer probably has 10,000 photos of Jeter. Brady will probably access this post, just because Jeet's mentioned. He'll probably make a comment, claiming to be Anonymous. God help us all, if he gets within grabby distance. He'd probably snatch Jeet's napkin and run off into the bushes, using it for some obscene act that I don't even want to imagine.

Here he is, preparing for the Super Bowl, and he's all over Jeet like lips on a chicken.
"You see someone who plays the game the way you think it needs to be played, like Derek Jeter. I love the way he plays the game,” Brady said on Media Day, according to the Daily News.

Frankly, I think Brady is trying to overpower the stink of New England by rubbing some concentrated NYC perfume onto his body. It won't work. At best, he'll smell like the Westminster Kennel Club.