Friday, December 21, 2012
Holiday Weekend Takeaway Thought: With a second Gulf Coast League team, are the Yankees attempting to construct a mirror universe, and thus are they tampering with a fundamental law of atomic physics?
Posted by el duque at 7:57 AM
PREAMBLE: The worlds of science fiction and atomic string theory have long postulated the existence of multiverses - an infinite number of parallel realities that co-exist in cosmic planes, beyond our temporal awareness.
QUESTION: By tampering with the molecular structure of the minor leagues - specifically, the entry level - could the Yankees create a new multiverse? And if so, what does it mean?
FACT: In 2013, when the Gulf Coast League Blue Jays play the Yankees, they will not be playing the Yankees. They will be facing a variation of Yankiness - the Yankees I or Yankees II. Each day, the Yankees will field two concurrent realities - with players and fans experiencing divergent timelines.
It is a fundamental tenet of physics and movies that no one can travel back in time and meet themselves. Nevertheless, the Yankees in 2013 - at the sub-atomic level of Rookie League - will be able to play with themselves.
THROUGHOUT HISTORY: A day in the GCL offered two Yankee outcomes: A win or a loss. Now, the Yankees can win and lose, or win twice or lose twice. Add the possibility of doubleheaders, and the number of outcomes rises exponentially. We could go 2-1. We could go 3-1.
We may experience the day when the GCL Yankees lose four times.
THE FUTURE: In theory, these dual timelines merge in 2014, when players move up to Charleston or go home... unless the Yankees II spawn a Charleston multiverse - Charleston Chew II?
This could create an alternative Yankee system. In 2015, the high Single A Tampa Yankees would split. Then in 2016, the Trentonites, and in 2017, the long prophesized - and some would say overdue - breakup of Scranton and Wilkes Barre could take place. Scranton could play Wilkes Barre! Blood on the coal!
By 2018, the Yankees could field two mirror reality teams, each with a bloated payroll and aging personnel. The Yankees could play for the American League Championship. But under the current laws of physics, they cannot face each other in a World Series.
CONCLUSION: We at IIH are nearing a great breakthrough in the appreciation of reality.
Imagine it: Twice the number of 40-year-old outfielders, twice the DL listings, an A-Rod and a Josh, a Robbie and a Bobby... two John Sterlings crying. "Ballgames over, Yankees and Yankees win, thuuuuh Yankees and Yankees... win."
At that point, comrades, the world ends.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.