BREAKING NEWS YANKEES JETER SHOCK

Over Memorial Day, El Duque and I blathered about about the possibility that this was Derek Jeter's first weekend at his rumored mansion in Skaneateles, Central New York. Within a minute we were arguing, of course--about which of us would befriend Derek the fastest, which friendship would be deepest, which of us would get Jeter thinking about this amazing buddy he just met. I scored late by predicting I'd be living in his guest house within a week; how utterly believable that sounded to friends who know me well.

But none of us guessed--none of us could have guessed--that, along with fame, money, glory, mystique, and aura, Derek Jeter would bring...

...horror.

As syracuse.com tells it:

A co-worker who visited downtown Skaneateles this past weekend asked me about the unusually large swarms of little, mosquito-like bugs flying around in the village lately.

You can see what's coming, right? All Yankee fans can see what's coming.

I snapped some pictures and forwarded them to Kim Adams, an entomologist with the SUNY College of Environmental Science and Forestry in Syracuse .  

[She responded,] "These are midges."

MR. JETER, TEAR DOWN THAT MANSION!