We are getting closer and closer to that annual colon cleanse known as the trade deadline where World Series are won, seasons are lost, and the Yankees try to empty their Rule Five Shed, because they fear that they will lose a single prospect and get nothing for him, as opposed to trading all their MLB ready prospects for injured players who have already peaked.
I’ve recently come into possession of some audio of Brian Cashman’s trade conversations with other GMs and have transcribed them. For the record, The Boss, if he were still alive, would have wanted them deleted.
(TRANSCRIPTS HAVE BEEN EDITED TO CUT OUT THE CHIT CHAT AND
GET RIGHT TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER)
Brian: Giancarlo Stanton…
Other GM: No.
---
Brian: Giancarlo Stanton and…
Other GM: New phone. Who dis?
---
Brian: We need a LFer, a Starter, two bullpen pieces, and a third baseman. What do you have?
Other Team: A better GM than you.
---
Brian: Sevi and Aaron Hicks for…
Other Team: Aaron Hicks
is no longer on your team.
Brian: I know. I
just love to hear you say it.
---
Cardinals: Nolan Arenado for Jasson Dominquez
Brian: But Arenado
is on the wrong side of thirty, trending downward, is owed a fortune, and you’re
asking for one of our top prospects.
Cardinals: Did we
mention that he’s been hurt?
Brian: Damn. That’s
a good offer. What’s his barrel rate?
Cardinals: He
doesn’t have one. He’s down to a six pack a day.
Brian: Let me check with analytics. What about for Giancarl…
Cardinals: No.
---
Other team: We want Luis Severino.
Brian: Go on.
Other team: But given that he’s only a rental, our offer
is going to be a little low.
Brian: What if we signed him to a 5-year extension?
Other team: Well then, our offer would go up.
Brian: OK I’ll do
it! Let me get back to you.
Other team: OK. (Faint
to other guy in the room) What a maroon.
---
Other GM: Brian, who is that guy, plays second base, hit’s well but always get thrown out on the base paths?
Brian: You mean Gleyber Torres?
Other GM: Yeah yeah, that’s the guy… we don’t want him.
---
Brian: Gerrit Cole and one other piece for two of your top ten farm guys.
Other GM: Wow! Sure.
Wait… What’s the other piece? It’s not Giancarlo, is it?
Brian: No. No. It’s
uh… me. Things are getting a little hot here and I need a place to land. I could
help with trades or building your minor league system, working with your
analytics department. Stuff like that. What
do you think? Hello? Hello? (Tap tap)
Hellllooooo. Damn it, not again.
Posts
20 comments:
Hilarious, Doug!
Unfortunately, for us Yankee fans, like the movie "This Is Spinal Tap", these conversations are too close to being the truth. Almost makes you want to cry as you're laughing.
Absolutely hilarious, Doug! Soooo good! And yes, so sad!
How about "I do not deal with wise ass geeks."
Mets are doing the right thing, moving guys out for new blood, swallowing bad contracts like Marilyn Monroe popping pills. Paying a team 36 mill to take away your garbage? Hey, I'm glad they have the balls to do it. The Yankees surely don't.
If the Yanks make a move, the only guy they should get is Juan Soto. He'll be a free agent at the end of this year, but take a chance, send them a few prospects, and get one of the premier hitters in the game. If he likes it here, he'll re-sign here. Almost everyone who comes here seems to like it here. Must be the endless supply of whores and their manual dexterity. Alternately, they can ask permission to talk to his agent and get a verbal agreement on an extension for x number of years before making the deal complete.
Even though they get Soto, they can also jettison some of these pending free agents and excess: Severino, German, Torres, Bader. That should get them a nice haul of prospects to replace the ones they traded away for Soto. The right moves can make this team a serious contender as early as next year.
That brought a tear to my eye, Doug -
(I won't say why OR, which eye)
I heard Nolen Arenado is off the table. Hopefully it's true. That's good for us. Cashman was probably salivating for that guy. But he's not the right guy for this team. Too old, right handed, maybe one more good year left in him before the clock strikes twelve.
It was only one game last night, but I do think swapping out Dillon Lawson for Sean Casey was the right move. Most of the lineup looks like they're taking better, more professional at bats.
I always thought Clarke Schmidt has great stuff. His main problem is that he doesn't know how to pitch to major league hitters. He's getting better, though. I think earlier in the year or last year, he wouldn't have gotten that last out in the 5th.
The next guy they have to upgrade is the pitching coach, Matt Blake. Telling your pitchers what pitches work best for them is great, but this team needs some real coaching.
This team needs some real players.
This team needs some real managing.
This team needs some real general managing
This team needs some real ownership.
Other than that, the Yankees are a real championship-caliber team.
Wow! Sure. Wait… What’s the other piece? It’s not Giancarlo, is it?
This killed me. The whole thing was a treat.
I would take Bellinger, if he's not too costly. But I doubt if the Yanks have what it takes to get even him. Soto would be preferable.
But again...
Yanks SHOULD move Torres, but I doubt if they will.
They HAVE to move Bader—not good enough, and a free agent at the end of the year—and should do the same with Sevvy. But again, I doubt if that will happen.
I wonder if anyone with the Yankees will take a lesson from the Mets. To play the metrics game, you need veterans because they’re the only players with metrics. By the time you get them, the metrics are all old. Past tense. The Mets (the Met-rics haha) loaded up on old guys with huge contracts and measurable history where past results don’t predict future outcomes. They did Cashman shit on steroids. Now they realize it was stupid stupid stupid.
I think it’s sign Soto or resign Cashman. That simple.
This is a hysterical post. I laughed, I cried, I rent my garment and rubbed dirt on my head.
If Cashman was half as good as Doug, we'd be running away with the division.
True, Beauregard.
The ruling cliche in baseball right now is, "They have to get back to what it says on the back of their baseball card."
Sorry, the back of the baseball card is the past.
Mets broadcast reported this afternoon that, after Ohtani homered on Friday night against the Blue Jays, Matt Chapman was caught on mic asking his manager, "He's the only guy on this team who can hit. Why are we pitching to him?"
Ohtani got two intentional walks yesterday, two more today. Toronto won both games.
Ron Darling said, "Good for Toronto—bad for baseball."
Sorry, Ron, but that's how the game is played. Judge got 19 IBB last year.
I get the feeling, though, that Matt Chapman would be very unhappy on the Yankees, where we ALWAYS pitch to the one guy who can hit.
Judge not starting tonight. Makes all the sense in the world…makes this team harder to root for…
Not sure why Judge was playing defense in RF last night. Just DH him every game. They're trying to nurse a guy with a torn ligament through the remainder of the season. Why take a chance and put him in the outfield? If they really want to go for it, then Judge should DH. They have to play it like he's made out of paper mache and toothpicks. Want Judge to completely tear the ligament and have immediate surgery? Then keep playing him in the outfield. Let's see how long he lasts before it pops and he hobbles off.
@ Hoss, I hear that Bellinger is off the table, because the Cubbies think they can make the playoffs. That's probably good news for us, because I don't think he takes the team to the next level.
I think Pete Hoffman of WFAN is right about one thing: if they do anything, they should go BIG. Get someone who will definitely take them to the next level, like Juan Soto. Otherwise, why bother. Bellinger probably makes them incrementally better, but Soto takes them to the next level. I would just do whatever it takes to get Juan Soto. Does Cashman have the moxie to do something like that? Most probably not. They've gotten very risk averse here.
Severino, Bader, Torres, and anyone in the bullpen who brings in ++value. We do have talent in the bullpen, but nothing that would be missed next year.
Game thread now available.
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