I myself can't wait to hear the cavalcade of stars the team will soon snarf up from the (TOD™) All-You-Can-Eat Salary Dump Buffet. The Aug. 1 trade deadline means a set of brand new disappointments to replace the current ones.
Last I checked, Manager Boone was chasing a Best Actor Emmy on last night's postgame show, heralding the "good swings" that our two-hit lineup produced. Meanwhile, he was making out his (TOD™) wish list:
LF
3B
Bullpen lug nut
Starting pitcher
Hitting catcher
SS, maybe
1B?
Lefty DH?
Wait... make it two bullpen lug nuts
A coach, preferably with TV experience
A gas grill that doesn't require burning your fingers with a match to ignite
Cornhole game for the clubhouse? Good fun!
Hell, whatever anybody wants to get rid of, just toss it in the (TOD™) bin, and we'll take it! You'd be surprised what these things bring on Antiques Road Show.
Best part? We never give up anything in return. It's just names nobody knows, farm workers who don't fit into our plans, so - basically - whatever we get is free, free, free...
Soon, our first (TOD™) acquisition will be announced by the YES team of Good Cheer Carolers, celebrating the latest miracle of New York Presbyterian Hospital, the official hospital of the '23 (TOD™.) Have a glass of mead, or champagne, or Draino... Our last place Yankees - World Champions of 2009- will soon start unwrapping their gifts. December can't get here soon enough. But at least the days are getting shorter.
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27 comments:
We're not hitting strikes hard...we're just swinging at the flies...easy fix...
Rumor is they are dangling Beeter & Bader for Ohtani. I'm think I'm in on that.
Ohtani will cost a lot more than Beeter and Bader. A lot more...
Duque, They can sweeten the pot with German & Rizzo. This a deal that PinstripeAlley would come up with.
Ohtani my ass. He's not going to save this mess. What's needed in this Montefiore Hospital cancer ward of a team is a new doctor.
He can just as easily miss out on the playoffs with the Yankees as he can with the Angels.
It would take Dominguez or Peralta, along with Wells, Jones, Arias…
It’s amazing how Boone can keep a straight face in the pressers. Even more amazing that no reporter screams at him “Jesus Christ! This bullshit again! At least come up with something new, Scumbo!”
Pretty obvious why I’m not a reporter.
1) Ohtani is a two month rental. Period. There is no reason to empty the farm.
He is also a DH. Only a DH. We already have one, Stanton. This is why we are forever screwed. We can't even sign Ohtani as a FA unless we get rid of Stanton. Imagine paying 80M plus for the two of them as DHs. Ain't gonna happen.
2) Bader is also a two month rental and as such is worthless to the Angels. He could be viable to an actual contender.
3) Gleyber is our best trade piece. Volpe to second. Peraza to SS. Gleyber for a left fielder.
None of this matters. We are rooting for a very bad team right now. I know it. You know it. They will not magically turn it around. Last place is last place for a reason.
Gleyber has hit well for a week, and managed not to make any egregious mental or fielding errors. Therefore, he is "Cashman's Jeter" once again, and will be signed for at least 8-10 years after next season.
No, the Yankees—thank goodness—do not have the magic beans necessary to trade for Ohtani, or they probably would, only to see him walk away after the season.
If he goes anywhere, I think he'll go to the Dodgers, who can then sweep through to a championship, while MLB proclaims them the Greatest Team What Ever Was.
I wonder who starts these rumors. Bored sportswriters? Lonn Trost? Cashman himself?
Last night, a modern era 12 teams scored 10 or more runs. 4 games had both teams scoring in double digits.
The Yankees? Not so much…
Anytime Sean O’Casey wants to start coaching will be OK…
If only Cashman could and would get rid of himself. Then it would be Christmas.
There is something darker, more insidious going on in that clubhouse that not even the warm spirited gregariousness of Coach Casey can cure.
He should resign immediately and save himself before his soul is sucked dry of all its goodness and humanity.
The Cashman eats the souls of the living, feeds on their life energies, drains their talent and sucks them dry of their vigor and individuality.
IT MUST BE STOPPED!
It should, and the operative word being should, be a total purging of the roster. Make everyone available to retool for the future. Keep Judge, Cole, Rodon, Volpe, Peraza, even Schmidt. Everyone else should be made available.
@ MJH, Not a bad idea. The right moves could make them contenders as soon as next year. But Cashman would have to exorcised first.
I'm afraid to tell you guys this: Max von Sydow is dead.
Means: We'll have to exorcise Brian von Cashmonkey ourselves.
Anyone got the phone number for Opus Dei?
@ AA, So is Cashman the Lifeforce vampire? That would explain the look on HAL's face. That would explain why Cashman never gets fired. That would explain a lot of things around here.
Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter had a similar theme. It's explained that not all vampires suck blood. There was a vampire running around draining the youth from voluptuous young wenches turning them into old hags. A rousing good time, with lots of Hammer hotties.
@ JoeFoB, We can call the great grandson of Professor Abraham Van Helsing. The Van Helsings have dedicated their lives to exterminating all types of vampires. The scourge of vampirism must be erased from the face of the earth!
I volunteer to exorcize Cashman with a hi-volt cattle prod.
I worked my way through college as a psychiatric aide in a mental institution holding down patients during shock therapy so I have experience.
The above is not true.
I actually worked my way through college as a waiter at a mental institution. I served soup to nuts.
The above is not true either.
The 2023 Yankees are now five games ahead of the 1966 Yankees.
50-46 vs. 45-51.
We can make it if we try. Or actually, we can make it by Cashman trying. A few lousy trades, which is what we usually get when he's trying, and we can sail past that 70-89 mark from '66.
Remember how Red Barber got fired? By directing a cameraman to pan around all the empty seats during a game at the Stadium. That game had official attendance at 413. (He was previously fired by the Dodgers for not shilling for the team during broadcasts.)
That's a mark that'll be hard to top, but people said the same about Gehrig's consecutive game record and Ruth's 60 home runs and 714 career homers. It can be done.
"Hit strikes hard". Isn't that what guys like Ted Williams did? Small wonder that so many Yankee hitters regressed. It must be truly draining mentally to be ordered to hit like a HOFer. Since I mentioned Williams, I don't recall stories of him hitting the weights. And yet in reading a few books on him I've seen accounts of some truly amazing amazing home runs. This in a time in which balls weren't tossed out of the game like they have in my memory. Amazingly, today's trainers don't seem to realize that swinging a bat hundreds of times a week is a very stressful workload on the body. Then have the player lift weights, do cardio, and a host of stretching and agility drills. Then these same trainers are at a loss to explain all of the injuries. This is an issue that will be tough to root out of the mindset of the locker room and the front office. After all, a lot of fitness experts would talk themselves out of their jobs.
@ Carl, There is a wonderful example of such exorcism in the movie "Saving Silverman". There is a hard ass bitch who's dunking the head of the exterminator's friend in the toilet bowl. The exterminator, who if I remember correctly was trying to recover from a kick to the nuts from said hard ass bitch, manages to get his cattle prod and electrocutes the butt of the hard ass bitch, which also electrocutes his friend's head in the toilet.
You can't beat the exhilaration of a cattle prod electrocution to the butt. Good times!
Forgot to mention, the word "tod" is German for "death."
So TOD is very appropriate.
Buttocks.
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