GEORGE (entering executive offices): Y'know, Gabe—
GABE PAUL (working the phones): No.
GEORGE (wheedling): You don't even know what I'm going to say—
GABE: Yes, I do.
GEORGE: Oh yeah, smart guy?
GABE: You're going to tell me you want to throw Ron Guidry in on the Bucky Dent deal.
GEORGE: Okay, so you're a mind-reader! What's holding up that deal, anyway?
GABE: Bill Veeck is holding out for more.
GEORGE: See? What I tell ya?
GABE: I am not giving him Guidry.
GEORGE: Gimme that phone! Lemme talk to Veeck, maybe I can give him some of the old Steinbrenner charm—
GABE: No.
GEORGE: Why not?
GEORGE: What??? I never!
GABE: I have sources in Toronto, George. I have sources everywhere. Even among your fucking "baseball people" down in Florida.
GEORGE: You're spying on me?
GABE: I have to keep tabs on you, George, because you're like a goddamned child. First, you wanted to throw Guidry into that stupid trade with Baltimore, where we gave away Rudy May, McGregor, and Dempsey, for a Doyle Alexander rental. I had to literally bite your leg to keep you from doing that. And I have dentures!
GEORGE: Well, sure, all right. But I never would've traded him to Toronto—
GABE: It was a done deal, George! It only didn't happen because Peter Bavasi, bless his little pinhead, wouldn't sign off on it. Another nepo baby, like somebody else I could name.
GEORGE: All right, maybe I did that. But Bill Singer is a helluva pitcher! Twenty-game winner in both leagues—
GABE: He's finished. He's 33 and he's over. Guidry is 26, and he's got a helluva fastball and the best slider I've ever seen.
GEORGE: I dunno, Gabe. I mean, Billy's not so high on him, and you know, he's a maestro of pitching—
GABE: Billy Martin is not a "maestro of pitching." He's a destroyer of pitching staffs, which is something you will find out sooner or later.
GEORGE: Hey, Ron Guidry has never won a game in the major leagues! And when we called him up last year, he spit the bit!
GABE: If you'll recall, we were making him over into a reliever down at Syracuse. He had a 0.68 ERA, a 5-1 record, and 9 saves. Bobby Cox down there—who, if you ask me, should be your manager up here—wrote Billy a note saying the kid had been used a lot recently.
GEORGE: So—
GABE: So what did Billy do? He threw him into a game his first night. And when he got lit up, he let him sit in the pen for 47 straight games. Forty-seven games! Think he was trying to send someone a message, George? You're such a big, tough guy, and you let that runt get away with shit like that!
GEORGE: Well, he certainly wasn't impressive—
GABE: How do we know what he coulda done? HE WAS SITTING ON HIS ASS! Maybe with Guidry out there, we could've won a game in the World Series!
GEORGE: I think—
GABE: I KNOW what you fuckin' think! We all do, all the time! Even Guidry! You went and told him, 'Guidry, you'll never be able to pitch in this league!' THAT must've given him a shot of confidence!
GEORGE: It's called motivation—
GEORGE: Okay, okay!
GABE: He'll take...Bob Polinsky. And be glad to get him. And if you override me on this, I'm back to Cleveland on the next thing smoking!
GEORGE: All right, Gabe. Have it your way. But if Bob Polinsky becomes a big star, you'll have to answer for it!
*All "great real moments" based on actual events. Dialogue and settings may be invented.
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5 comments:
The Mad King was truly mad in those days. Competing with Ted Fonda for the back pages. I was lucky enough to see the original "Channel 17" jersey on Andy Messersmith (clear shot from behind the dugout, since *no-one* went to Braves games then. Sat 4 row back from pre-Fonda Ted). Both egomaniacs were insane.
Lucky for us, the intern knows that you don't need left-handers in Yankee stadium. Pitchers *or* hitters.
Never enough dumpster products though.
Rufus, you know what the best part of dumpster diving and shopping at Goodwill is?
When you get rid of the garbage you bought, you don't feel too bad about getting rid of it - and you DO get rid of it eventually.
But when you pay the MSRP on something it hangs in your closet unused FOREVER, and it's always there as a reminder of all that wasted money you spent.
Dick,
I have a lot of clothes like that. They'll fit me whenever I lose those last 20 lbs. I've been trying to shed since the 90's.
Jack Reacher always tossed the clothes he got from Goodwill. Mostly because they were bloodstained in a couple of days.
Man, Horace, you just HAD to mention the Doyle Alexander trade. I am sure that in some form or another the trade still ripples through the organization, like the supernova which still shower us with high energy, cancer causing waves from thousands of years ago. And the way Billy and George used to talk to Guidry still pisses me off.
True that, Kev. Especially about the crap George would say and Billy would do.
So Martin gets a note from Bobby Cox—a guy he knew, baseball lifer, destined to be a HOF manager—saying that this young pitcher had been overworked of late, and maybe go easy on him at first. Martin ignores this, throws him into a game immediately, then—when he doesn't come through—tosses him away.
Guidry must have really had some mental toughness. And of course, it makes one wonder how many other young pitchers Billy ruined with his idiot tests.
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