Update: He weaseled out of it. Good.

Making Opening Day Not Great Again

Having already ripped the country asunder, kowtowing to the Russkies and ignoring, then gaslighting the pandemic, the fetid orange splotch from Queens has set his sights on ruining another aspect of this great country, Opening Day at Yankee Stadium.

Better, he should have done so at Shitty Citi Field in the appropriately-named Flushing, but that curly-headed yutz, Randy Levine arose from his tomb and foisted this horror upon us.

Yes, Mo might be there, too, though he gets a lifetime pass, right? But the current regime should have known better. Hank certainly would have prevailed as the Voice of Reason here, much like myself now.

I'm going back to my condo in Boca now.  Go Yankees!

Randy Levine Furious That K11 Mall Has No Orange Julius®, Considering Boycott Of Unfamiliar Gelato Shop

New York Yankees team president Randy Levine (pictured above during the meeting in question) was incredulous earlier today when staff informed him that Hong Kong's K11 mall does not have an Orange Julius®.

Sources indicate that the Yankees World Series Trophy Asia Tour itinerary planning session went south after Levine patted another attendee on the back with a couple gentle slaps and said, "man, I can't wait to get me an Orange Julius® when we're at that mall in China. I haven't had an Orange Julius® since like '82. I used to love that stuff!"

The task of breaking the bad news fell to a nervous Brian Cashman, who reportedly cleared his throat like a boy who didn't know the answer in math class before telling Levine that "there, uh...there...is no Orange Julius® -- but I understand that the Gourmet Tower has a gelato shop..."

Feeling as if he were naked in the middle of River Avenue, Cashman then looked around the drafty hotel conference room for some support -- any kind of support -- but the only cover besides a nervous cough and the creaks of a shifting chair or two was a quiet "yeah, gelato is awesome..." from director of Pacific Rim Operations George Rose.

Insiders say that Levine stormed from the session with a curt "meeting fucking adjourned!" when Rose later admitted that he in fact had never eaten at Cool Gelato, but that he'd heard from people all across the Pacific Rim that it was really good.