Montero's New Beat Writer Slams Vulture Capitalism

I clicked over to the Seattle Times looking for Montero/Pineda reaction from Mariners beat writer Geoff Baker--the hard-blogging Peter Abraham of the Northwest--but he has yet to weigh in on the weekend deal. Colleague Larry Stone says, "I've got a lot of reporting to do, but snap judgment is I like this trade. A lot."  But, to me, it's Baker's opinion that matters more; he studies his subject hard, and he doesn't write like a columnist.

I'm glad I clicked over because right now, instead of the scoop of the moment, this magnificent think post leads Baker's blog.  It's about the foolishness of post-Moneyball fans who root for their teams' billionaire, government-subsidized owners to make cost-effective deals:

The next time somebody tells you your team can't afford a certain player, ask them why they believe that. And if they tell you a team shouldn't have to spend more than the revenues they are taking in, ask them why that is since many of those revenues came off the backs of taxpayers and not owner risk.

Go read the whole thing.

Will Arod continue his tradition of great post-season play?

The one and only?

Has the sacrifice of Jesus opened the gates of heaven for the return of a certain great Yankee?

OK, think with me here: Daredevil Cashman just dropped his nuclear bomb, potentially killing or saving millions of innocent dollars. Now, we must consider the collateral damage. (Aren't metaphors fun?)

Barring injuries - (Say, has anyone followed that elbow issue that pulled Ivan Nova from game five last October?) - we have seven Joes chasing five slots. (Actually, six: Hughes could be a reliever or swing man.) Presumably, someone must go. That's probably a decision for spring training.

Barring injuries - (yeah, I'm talking to you, Arod) - we have a group effort at DH. It almost resembles the GOP presidential field.

From the far right, we have Alex, Jeet, Eduardo Nunez, Andruw Jones or El Chato, the Mexi-Mystery Man Miracle known as Jorge Vazquez. But it's all about Arod. He's the Mitt Romney here. If he's not healthy enough to flash his mitt at 3B, he becomes our everyday DH. (BTW, this was always going to be a sticky issue with Jesus Montero. If Arod couldn't play 3B, Jeez was out of luck.)

From the left side, we have... gulp... Chris Dickerson? Our entire outfield hits left (Swish, a switch), but what's the point? It would be Chris Dick replacing them. We could sign Eric Chavez, who'll hit until he falls in the shower. But is he our lefty DH?

How about a man who steals two bases in one pitch... who says efff you to Boston when they try to acquire him... and who is still deciding which hat to wear in Cooperstown? A man with a swing or Yankee Stadium... who hits in the clutch... and who by all accounts is a great presence on any team?

I know... yeah, I know... I'm thinking with my heart here. But we just dealt Jesus, whom we raised from puppyhood, for a couple pitchers who - like all pitchers - is a tender tendon away from oblivion.

Cash just dropped his A-bomb. It didn't come from Arod. The earth is still shaking. In the movies, Godzilla returns. (Yep, another lefty possibility.) I just hope Johnny comes marching home.

10 True Things You Probably Didn't Know About Michael Pineda

1. Wednesday, he turns 23.

2. He missed most of 2009 with a bad elbow.

3. Going into last season, Baseball America ranked him the 16th best prospect in the game.

4. He struck out the first major league batter he ever faced, Ian Kinsler, on three pitches.

5. He was  named AL Rookie of the Month in April. He was practically unhittable.

6. He was selected to the AL All-Star team as a replacement for Justin Verlander. In the game, he pitched a perfect inning, striking out Scott Rolen and Rickie Weeks.

7. He fell apart in July, with an ERA of nearly 7.00.

8. In his one outing against Boston, he gave up 7 runs.

 9. He finished behind Ivan Nova, for fifth, in the AL Rookie of the Year vote.

10. His biggest problem is the first inning. The league hit .274 against him in the first.

Hummina-hummina-hummina...

Holy shit. We just traded Jesus and Hector Noesi to Seattle for two young arms, and then signed Kuroda to a one-year.

Happy to sign the free agent. Still numb about the deal.

Who is now our DH? Arod? Do we go out and find a hitter? If it's Arod, who plays third? What of all our extra starting pitchers: CC, Ivan, Kuroda, the new guy, Hughes, AJ, Freddie - that's seven... not counting the kids from Scranton. Somebody's gotta go.

More changes coming? Plates spinning fast. Holy shit.

Four out of 10 Americans think God screwed the Pittsburgh Steelers last Sunday

I always wondered where God gets all his money.

Point-shaving scandal?

Fenway will turn 100 this year, when our grand tradition turns three

OK, spoiler alert: We blew it.

Boston did the right thing in the 1990s, when the money-suits lobbied to replace Fenway with a new, public-financed cookie-cutting. They recognized Fenway as a slice of history, something you  don't replace with giant laminated posters and a Hard Rock Cafe.

Their stadium turns 100 this year. Happy birthday.

In two years, we will celebrate our fifth!

What's amazing is how Yankee fans live in denial. When former Yankees visit in new uniforms, writers often pretend they are "returning" to the old park. (It was a parking lot.) MLB announcers still gush about "the ghosts" that haunt our historic field. (It was a parking lot.) George Orwell would have loved YankeeSPEAK. We have a disco lounge, 4-star steak house, $10,000 luxury seats - AND we have a great, 100-year tradtion!

Folks... Mickey Mantle never played here. Babe Ruth never homered, Wade Boggs never climbed onto a horse, and Jeffrey Maier didn't catch Jeet's home run over the outstretched glove of Tony Tarasco. Those things happened at a place called Yankee Stadium. For $29.99, you can still purchase crystalized filth from it. Our park is turning three.

Think of it like members of the Bush family. We used to play in Yankee H.W. Stadium. Now, we play in Yankee W. Stadium. Oh, the ghosts that haunt this field...

Minka ditched Jake for Jeet

They say the best trades are the ones we never make.

How dare we complain about AJ Burnett? Bug Selig makes $25 million a year

Somebody journalized it, because MLB sure didn't slap it in a news release. USA Today (yesterday) reported that Bug Selig - master negotiator that he is - wheedled down his next choice for MLB commissioner - himself - to a measily $25 million a year.

He'll be 80 when his new two-year deal ends. Why settle for two? He could have held out for ten! Good grief, he could croak on a laxative bar and who would know? Aids could freeze the corpse and Weekend-At-Bernies him through the All-Star break, which is the only time he comes out in public anyway. Who would guess?

In take-home pay, Bug is on a roll. His new $25 million represents a jump of about 25 percent in the last three years. He is finally receiving proper respect - Arod money, Pujols money, Selig money! The other day, I did some bathtub math and figured the Bud the Rug raked in $250 million since 1992, when he became commish. Fuck me. What a joke: He probably cashed a cool $400 million. Make no mistake: This guy is a supervillain.

Of course, the public spin is that he's responsible for all the good things in baseball. He works his tail off, doing things like... um... making rulings. And giving his one interview a year. And selecting the biggest toadie to give the his one annual interview to. And serving as official mascot for the All-Star game! And posing for his statue. He must work 80 hours a week, 52 weeks a year.

Heyyyyy, kids, let's do some math! If you make $25 million a year - by golly, your weekly paycheck comes to  $481,000! And working 80 per week, that's a $6,000 per hour wage. Bug doesn't take a pee without his blackberry. He turns down the heat in his office. He phones people from his limo. He never buys women. He works his rug off.

Twenty five million per year.

Meanwhile, we Yankee fans are supposed to support the austerity plan to cut the team budget? The players are making too much money?

That's the line throughout the Yankiverse this winter. And I thank all the bloggers - you know who you are - for buying into the concept that we must spend less...  We can't afford to keep shelling out money for pitchers. Nope, the Yankees must save their money...

Friends, Romans, Yankeemen, lend me your Pinstripes.

The owners are taking us for a ride. They are putting into effect a de facto salary cap by levying overwhelming taxes on rich teams - (while simultaneously arguing that higher taxes on the rich will ruin America.)

They want to deYankify the Yankees and bring an NFL-style parity to baseball. It's all about capping salaries. And we're supposed to go along with it? We're supposed to say, "Oohhhh, we can't afford that player! The Yankees have no money."

Dammit, we're Yankee fans. Since when do we care about money? This is the last bastion of make-believe wealth in America: When you're a Yankee fan, you are a millionaire. We're supposed to be obsessed with winning the World Series - not showing how cheap we can be. 

Since when do the Miami Marlins outspend us?

Does anyone really think the owners are scraping for money when Bug Selig is paid $25 million a year?

How can we ever again complain about Kei Igawa, or Arod, or anybody?

Tebow next for Katy Perry? (And Arod not even on the B-list?)

America's heavyweight champion females, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, represent opposite DNA pools of the culture war.

The stories go that Katy sprang from humble, spit-on-shoe-leather, Jesus-praising loins, while Lady smoked Turkish weed with the trans/gay/lesbi hordes from Hell, or Sojo. Men don't even know what they look like. Gaga wears masks, and guys are too busy staring at the Tickle-Me-Elmos six inches below Katy's chin. A Gaga birther movement once claimed she has a penis. Bottom line: they're both battier than a trailered roach.

When Katy married the godless, scrawny, English wormboy, Russell Brand, everybody knew she'd debone him like Madonna breaking Sean Penn's yokes. Last week, they broke up. Now, it's getting fun.

Katy's mom and pop have talked up the kind of Christian super-eugenics breeding project that nearly put Ricardo Montoban in control of the Starship Enterprise. They'll mate her with prayer stud Tim Tebow, destined to be the future Bruce Jenner of his generation. It would be easy to do. Just lock them in a barn with a blanket, slop bucket and a few Davey and Goliath videos. The Bible Belt will have its response to Jay-Z and Beyonce!

'Katy’s mom firmly believes the best cure for heartache is to quickly fall in love again… In her mind, Tebow is the perfect guy for her daughter," some anonymous source told the Daily Mail. 'He’s handsome, charming, intelligent and above all, a good Christian.'

So much for Arod climbing aboard the Katymobile. (He also recently lost his chance to take Drew Barrymore off the board; she's engaged.) Word is that Alex and his pro wrestler lady now double-date with George Clooney and his pro wrestler lady. WTF with pro wrestlers? Jeet's with Minka. Gaga just kissed Shorty Bloomberg. Katy is the only free agent out there. Can the Yankees even make her an offer?

Well, God has always shined His light on one person here. Not Tebow, though. Russell Brand. That guy skated. He pulled a Lou: He's the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

Honk, if you love teases

The author is a Cubs fan. Nevertheless, the latest adventure of Rex Koko, Private Clown, "Honk Honk, My Darling," can now be had.

Voted 2001 Book of the Year, Nontraditional Fiction, by the Chicago Writers Association.

Andruw Jones named Yankee December Employee of the Month

Congratulations, Druw.

Yankeetorial: Hoo-Ray! Bud Selig has graciously decided to stay

Yesterday, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig signed himself to a new two-year deal. Ever the crafty negotiator, he probably talked himself down from his original five-year demand. The news report did not say how much money Bud will be paid for his hard work. They seldom do. In America, it’s nobody’s business how much a baseball owner banks. (I refuse to use the word "earn.") The poor owners, we all know, must pay all that money to those greedy players. How do they even get by?

Yep. They're billionaires, pretending to be millionaires, so we will feel sorry for them. And the crazy part is, the media goes along with it.

When utility infielder Jose Dork signs with Tampa, MLB tells the world how much he makes (without mentioning the agent's cut.) Everybody groans about how the rich, uppity player, Jose, who is obviously not worth all that money.  

Well, this we know: Under Bud's previous contract, he was making $18.4 million per year. That puts him just behind Derek Jeter, who earns $18.9 million. If Bud were a player, his 2010 salary would rank 22^nd on the all-time highest amount ever paid per season, according to Cot’sBaseball Contracts website.

Bud has run MLB since 1992. If he were paid half his current salary over those first 10 years – that’s $90 million – and then slowly increased his living wage until now, that's at least $250 million, just for riding herd over the hogs. Moreover, he probably hasn't paid for a lunch, cab ride or flight in his last 20 years.

MLB is just another cronism sludgepits that doles out obscene super-payments to slimy CEOs and their nepotistic neophyte shareholders, regardless of performance. When not cashing checks, they're congratulating themselves on a job well done!

Today, the price of a baseball ticket is sickening. The cost of watching on TV is choking local cable systems. Inner cities don't build baseball fields any more. Taxpayers are slowly learning of how they were hoodwinked into funding stadiums, while the government deficits were exploding. MLB is pricing itself out of the American economy. And, of course, it blames those greedy players, especially the ones conveniently named Jose and Manuel.

Yep. Their fault. Even right-minded Yankee fans this winter have been whining about paying high salaries, calling for the team to cut its budget, to bring spending back in line. At the root of this austerity insanity is a secret de facto salary cap -- the kind the owners always wanted but the players union denied. Now, you can feel it creeping back into the sport: The Yankees don't want to be big spenders. Shhh. Don't say "collusion."

Most players' careers last five years or less. In that time period, they must make their fortune. Their salary gets published in the newspaper. Bud Selig’s – surely the most odious figure in sports – gets hushed. Go figure. 

Scott Proctor, hearing the name "Joe Torre," has run off to Korea

Energized by the death of northern dictator Sung Jung Il, Korea has signed the great Yankee Eater of Innings and Master of Demon Fire, Scott Proctor.

We will never again see Commander Scott pile his mitt, uniform and personal toiletries at home plate, douse them with lighter fluid, and turn the pile into a toxic inferno of black smoke, chasing the base hit fairies that had been haunting him.

It seems like yesterday that he was pitching Tampa past Boston and into the post-season.

It seems like a lifetime since he was toiling for Torre. Hope he got a good deal. He always gave everything he had, when not burned out.

One percenter Steinbrothers may forego new compound in Fiji, spend more on team

Yesterday, Buster Brown-Olney journalized that our nebobs of nepotism, (aka the Yankee braintrust brothers), are thinking about shelling out more money - that's right, cabbage, jack, dough, hoinga, miggnoleenskies - on the team this year.

In the next few days, Hank and Hal Steinbrenner will gather all their toys, servants, horses and tax loopholes in a room - a big room - and compare what they've got with the new arrivals in the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue. They'll decide if there is anything else in the world they need to buy, aside from peace of mind.

If nothing floats - if they've no need for the Travelers Circulation Enhancing Leg Massager ($39.95) and the Path Illuminating Umbrella ($29.95) - they will pitch some measily thin dimes into the copper kettle, where tattered Yankee fans have stood since November, ringing the bell of charity. The coin will make a clinking sound, and we will say, Why, goodness gracious, we thank you, kindly, Mr. Rockefeller and Mr. Carnegie! Cheerio and begora! Have a great day, young sirs!

Dammit. For three months now, they've been sitting around, Jack Benny and Silas Marner, counting their money while the baseball world attended the Pujols-Darvish Night at the Opera. But wait... it's not that I'm complaining.  We've been thrifty. Nothing wrong with thrifty! Thrifty is fine.

Chinzy, though - that's another matter. The Yankees don't need to become chinzy.

Listen: Edwin Jackson is still out there. He went 12-9 last year for the Cards. The world champion St. Louis Cardinals. His character is impeccable. He's young. He wants five years but might take four. His career season may still be ahead of him. He eats innings the way my old Maverick ate oil filters. If we buy him, we buy an extra year of seasoning for Betances and Baneulos, the two remaining Bs. And if Phil Hughes craps his crib, or AJ turns into Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider 2, at least we don't go down in flames with them.

And for what? For measily pieces of silver? I speeet on your money, gringo. Let's hope the Steinboys do the right thing. If they don't, the Mayans could be right about 2012. Around the time our staff explodes, you better believe the Travelers Circulation Enhancing Leg Massager and the Path Illuminating Umbrella will already be on the curb. SPEND THE MONEY, HANK AND HAL. Your father is watching.

Ten reasons why baseball should adopt the college football BCS format for selecting a champion

1. Yanks-Redsocks could play in first World Tostitos-Yahoo Series Game!

2. Two-month layoff ensures that all pitchers have ample rest!

3. Teams that run up scores during season earn higher rankings!

4. Jan. 10 championship provides springboard to spring training!

5. Fans love debating who has best team, without ever finding resolution!

6. Every team invited to post-season!

7. Without MLB franchise, Boise State can never be snubbed!

8. Computers are really smart!

9. Nobody cares who wins; it's all about alumni donations!

10. Mets could draw big crowd in first ever Pinstripe Bowl Game!

Bed, Bath and Beyonce

World celebrates birth of new Yankee fan.

10 gifts for the child who has everything

1. Decent starting rotation

2. Owner willing to shell out for free agents

3. Jeter morning after basket, without night before

4. Lifetime supply of Little Debbie Snack Cakes

5. Duet with John Sterling

6. Never having to endure Redsock championship

7. Visit each Christmas Eve from Randy Levine

8. Record deal

9. Yankee championships, No. 28 through 50

10. Good settlement after mom & dad divorce

When Tubby met Sally

"Wow," says the Mail Online. "The Yankee slugger and his former pro wrestler girlfriend are physically perfect."

Hmm. I guess that's what passes for eugenic-minded kinkiness in the UK these days. Is Dr. Evil writing captions? Did England ever really did recover from Mick defrocking Marianne Faithful?

Well, it's just another Arod pictoral. By my count, third of the year - which means one every three days. He now leads Jeet, 3-2. Poor guy can't go to the bathroom without a camera clicking from some distant rooftop. These look a bit Google Earthish. Does Rupert Murdoch own drones?

Listen: It's not Arod's hip that we should worry about. It's his head. Nobody can handle this kind of scrutiny. As a Yankee fan, frankly, I don't know what to do. Yes, we can ignore it, pretend it's not happening. That won't help Arod. He's either got to start wearing a burqua or going Russell Crowe on somebody - but that would only make this worse.

But back to central theme: Arod looks in fine shape - if you're 36. Looks to me like a few grounders could take Mookie Wilson bounces on him. He looks sexy to the Goodyear-hipped dingdongs in the Mail newsroom. Anybody does when you're shaped like Benny Hill.

10 Reasons the Yankees passed on Hiroyuki Nakajima

1. With iron men Jeet and A-Rod, who needs backup?

2. He wanted more than $1 million per year? Who can afford that kind of money!

3. Cool, backhanded way to insult Kei Igawa.

4. Didn't have to fear Redsocks getting him.

5. Still blaming selves for Irabu's suicide.

6. Saving money for big, projected free agent class of 2015.

7. Infielder Eduardo Nunez, over winter, said to be learning to throw.

8. Once we signed Hideki Okajima, was waaaay too confusing.

9. Convoluted attempt to halt Mitt Romney momentum in New Hampshire.

10. George is dead.

Lingkzes

First pic of Beyonce and JayZ's baby?

Kobe beef.