Bumfuk, N.C. _ Former Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards admitted Friday that he did have carnal relations with a videographer, but stressed that he did not father her child, that he did not cheat on wife Elizabeth while she was undergoing chemotherapy and -- most importantly -- he never went off half-cocked like many fans and predicted stardom for Yank pitcher Ian Kennedy.
"I am guilty of sin," Edwards told YES Network host Michael Kay in the aftermath of last night's debacle to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, also known as the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles. "But I never committed the sin of saying that Ian Kennedy would be any good. Never. There was nothing between us. He is not my boy. He never was. Frankly, I'm not sure he ever will be."
Edwards stressed that his sexual romps were momentary and meaningless quickies, based on animal lust, like dogs in heat or junkies in need of a fix, quite forgetable, and therefore not worth acknowledging when reporters initially inquired.
"Look, if we'd been on an orgasm-count, we'd have been pulled in the third, just like Kennedy last night," he said. "I mean, she had potential. She threw first pitch strikes, but whenever she lost command, she got really touched up -- I mean, I would go yard, downtown, long ball, bam! kiss it goodbye! track! wall! looking up! SEE YA! I viewed them as 9th inning home runs in blowout games. They didn't affect the outcome."
He added that Kennedy represents his concept of "Two Americas:" Good in Scranton, sucks in New York."
Edwards declined to comment on the future of Phil Hughes, whom he once said would be "the next Catfish Hunter," according to the National Enquirer.
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