Monday, April 6, 2009

Reasons To Worry About the 2009 Yankees

There has been a growing volume of dis-jointed and alarming noise drifting in from the West.

First, we hear that A-Rod's hip will take the less invasive treatment option, rather than the major surgery for which I was hoping.

Stories initially surface about a return target close to the All Star game. OK, a lot can happen in half a year.

Then, the wonders of a young body healing indicate a possible " earlier return." Aren't we lucky ?

I start to ingest Xanax and Immodium when I hear that A-Rod could be back by the end of May.

Now, there are reports that he is "70% ready and swinging a bat." Swinging it against the air, which is his one dependable performance asset during " big moments " that count.

I check into the Monterey Hospital for stress and "lack of orientation " when a story bleeds across the internet that A-Rod could be back by the end of April.

What if he comes back on the first sunny day of this young season? What if he shows up tonight in Baltimore?

The only reason things are currently going well for the Yankees of 2009 is that A-Rod isn't here. The team can win it all without him. They will not win it all with him.

Mark my words. This "quick healing " of our big dog is all bad news for the Yankees.

I have called Carl Pavano to take A-Rod for a ride in his convertible, with two or three trainees from Hooters .

Find that garbage truck route, quickly.

Bringing A-Rod back to this team before it gets rolling is like adding mercury to our drinking water.


Anonymous said...

Thanks. While you're at it could you have a sit down with my 4 year old about Santa?

Dr. Ben Dover said...

For your "lack of orientation," I prescribe a bowl of hot and sour soup.

You're welcome.

el duque said...


Much as I share your concern about Arod, it's not going to matter. We not only signed three of the best players in the game, we signed three of the greatest hearts in the game. That's what this team needed, and that's what we got.

I am totally optimistic about this team.

Totally. Optimistic. About. This. Team. So. There.

Alph said...


I am optimisitc about Ramiro Pena.

And everyone else except Alex....whom I now consider the black plague whose narcissism will poison this team.

I am particularly concerned about his "accelerated recovery" timetable.

I do not want to see him in any conditon during April or May.

Nor does Madonna.

She-Fan said...

But they lost and A-Rod wasn't even in the vicinity. Blame the fat pussy toad.