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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Open Letter to Melky Cabrera: Don't Let Yesterday Be Your Downfall

(Note to readers: It is critical that Mr. Cabrera read this. The message might save his career. It might save the Yankees. It might even save your life -- but we won't go into what we know. Print out this note and post it in public spaces frequented by Mr. Cabrera and his friend, Mr. Cano. This includes laundries. Too often, we forget the laundry. If you cannot print it out, write it out by hand, but please be ledgible. If you cannot attach it to a telephone pole or bridge support, rent a sound truck and read it while driving through neighborhoods. We cannot stress enough the importance of this work. Everything hinges on compliance. Everything.)

Dear Mr. Cabrera,

Congratulations on your great game yesterday.

Don't go thinkin' your shit don't stink.

The only reason you're still a Yankee is because you decided last winter -- after being demoted to Scranton -- that you would show plate discipline in the future.

Yesterday, you whiffed with the bases loaded on a pitch in your eyes.

You still have one hope for a career: Plate discipline.

The home runs are great. But if you start swinging for the fences, you'll be back in Scranton faster than you can say "Kevin Maas."

Don't start thinkin' your shit don't stink.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think the wind got into his eyes on that whiff (but hey we don't complain unless it's helping our opponent hit homeruns)

Anonymous said...

I think the wind got into his eyes on that whiff (but hey we don't complain unless it's helping our opponent hit homeruns)

Anonymous said...

This is exactly Melkys problem. He has been trying to hit a home run at every at bat since 07.

Yesterday only proved one thing. Melky still sucks.