Et tu, Nady?

Let's face it.

We are Roy Scheider in "Jaws" pouring fishheads into the water and glimpsing for the first time the shark, big as Michael Kay's head, that lurks down there.

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

Xavier Nady hurt his elbow. We've seen this movie before.

First to die is the sexy chick. She goes for a swim or -- if it's Crystal Lake, she defrocks the quarterback in the graveyard. In the end, everybody dies except the sheriff or the virginal baby-sitter -- the screamers. They live into the sequel.

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

Obviously, we're going to need Nick Swisher. But look at him. He's a DH/1B. He can hit, he can pitch, he can keep the team stocked in Hustlers and rolling papers. But he's a slump waiting to happen.

We're gonna need a Karim Garcia, a Chad Curtis, maybe a 37-year-old Tim Raines.

Or, wait... a Shelley Duncan.

Yeah, Shelley Duncan.

He can hit lefties. Hell, he can hit. In a perfect world, we'd bring up Austin Jackson, the next Bernie, from Columbus-Wilkes Barre. Right now, he's hitting over .400 and stealing bases. Last night, for reasons unexplained, he played LF. But he needs the seasoning. He needs 200 at bats in Scranton.

Shelley Duncan.

He's our boat.