Yankeetorial: It's time for the Yankees to be the Yankees

And that means one thing: Cash, lettuce, moo-lah, gerbish, pleed, dollops of scaramonga!

Yes. It's nearly winter, alias Spending Season. Last year, we watched Philadelphia mortgage its antique furniture for Cliff Lee, while Boston shot its moons on Carl Crawford, Adrian Gonzalez, Dan Wheeler, Bobby Jenks -- while we sat in the cellar and stockpiled our gold fillings, like fans of Glen Beck. It's not that we wanted to be rotten cheap bastards. We wanted Andy Pettitte and Lee, but they chose their wives and children instead. The rotten family bastards.

Now, the Rangers and Marlins are lighting human cigars with million dollar checks, chasing every big name free agent in captivity. Boston MUST make a big deal, or its fan base will Occupy Fenway. The Cubs look drunk on Theo Epstein snake oil. Even the Dodgers and Mets are pretending to have money. Meanwhile, we're still down in the dark cellar, counting our coins and congratulating ourselves for Bartolo Colon and Freddy Garcia.

Listen: It was great to get 'Tolo and Freddy. We should recycle every year - (although Brandon Laird is ready; no reason to send him back to the Traveling Wilkes Barres.) But we have money. It's time to spend it at the mall, not the flea market. And why not roll the dice!

This Cuban outfielder, Yoenus Cespedes, or whatever? Let's get him.

Yu Darvish? Let's get him.

Grady Sizemore? Why not!

Nobody comes with a guarantee. We can sign that stud pitcher from Texas, but if we do, he can only disappoint. Let's gamble. I'm feeling lucky!

In 2009, the Yankees led America out of his economic funk through stimulus spending. We signed CC, AJ and Tex. Say what you will about AJ - we won it all that year. Ever since, we've acted sheepish about all our money, like a billionaire pretending to be a millionaire, in hopes of people feeling sorry for him. Screw it.

We're not going to sign Prince Fielder, Albert Pujols or Jose Reyes. At least three teams in baseball are going to go $100 million in the hole to snag them. They might end up in the American League, as our competitors. (I've said it before: Beware Boston sneaking in and signing Reyes. The fact that they kept Scutero means nothing. They would simply trade him.)

Let's start spending money, dammit. We're the Yankees. We're the marquee team in American sports. Spend some pleed!