Sunday, April 27, 2014

Thus far this season, we have seen an iconic catch (Ichiro), a pine tar incident (Pineda) and a meltdown (Cabral.) Yesterday, we almost had a Bartman.

Happened in the ninth with Trout on second and Albert Pujols at bat. He hit a foul into the firstbase-line seats. Two fans fought with Teixeira. He couldn't catch it. If Pujols had then tied the game, we'd be sitting on four History Channel re-enactments - four! - and the month isn't even over.

So, obviously, the Yankees are on a trajectory here. Pageant-style re-enactments of big moments in baseball history. What's next?

1. A Billy/Reggie fight. This time it'll be Girardi, going after Jeter, maybe for bedding his wife. Larry Rothschild will be Yogi, holding Joe back. The ESPN cameras will catch everything, because Joe is too distracted to put his hand over the lens. Fox will bring back Tim McCarver to lament what's happening in the world.

2. Bloody sock. CC will cut himself on a broken bottle in the shower. (Isn't there a rule about only using cans?) He'll shut down Toronto, while blood seeps from his ankle. People will cry.

3. Yangervis Solarte will be revealed to be former stud pitching prospect Syd Fynch, who was wounded in a shooting long ago. He uses a bat named Wonder Boy. In the ninth inning against Boston, he'll call his shot, and then hit a homer. Yankee Stadium's entire lighting system will explode, plunging New York City into a blackout, which lasts several days, prompting riots, and leaving Snake Pliskin having to fight his way to New Jersey - only to find traffic cones have closed all the lanes but one. At that point, all of baseball is revealed to be a manifestation of The Matrix computers, and Yangervis learns that he can hover in the air and kick people in the mouth.  


Alphonso said...

And by the way, those over-priviledged, dumpy-fat fucks who interfered with Tex were giggling the entire time, afterwards.

I don't think they understand baseball, and certainly were not aware that certain Yankee
fans ( me included ) were prepared to assault them with beer and large sticks if the Yankees imploded after that incident.

Pieces of shit. Pleased with themselves. Taking selflies afterwards.

They looked like friends of Putin.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Why have their names not been revealed?

I smell conspiracy.

Let's have them put in stockades next to the bat on game days!

KD said...

They actually had a chance to physically help the Yankees win and they do THAT?!