Monday, November 5, 2018

As the Yankees formulate their plan for 2019, it's time to ponder the words of Mr. Mike Tyson

Quoth the philosopher:

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth."

I raise this august pearl of wisdom because - today, as Cooperstown Cashman and his weenie entourage attend the GM meetings in Carlsbad, California - the Yankees' "plan" for 2019 seems to involve sitting on their wallet for Bryce "Doesn't Fit" Harper and Manny "Bad Attitude" Machado. They won't budge. They'll sit in the corner, guarding their steel-trap fanny pack, rubbing their genitalia with copper coins.

According to Joel Sherman - the last Gammonite to actually hear the disembodied voice of Prince Hal Steinbrenner - the famed Yankee boy owner hasn't yet disclosed his master plan for 2019. One cosmic question remains unanswered: How much will the Yankees spend? Writes Sherman:

Hal Steinbrenner will want to stay beneath the 2019 $206 million luxury-tax threshold. But he knows the Red Sox are not going away next year and he already has told me he doesn’t want to be in the wild-card game for a third straight year.

Translation: Nobody knows nuthin'. Will Hand-Me-Down Hal spend big, or will he maintain his self-imposed payroll cap, thereby negating the Yankees' greatest advantage over the rest of baseball? Coincidentally, such a move would allow the Steinbrenner family to bank all the money not earmarked for salaries. But clearly, greed has nothing to do with it! Hal is standing on principle! He has said in the past that the Yankees shouldn't have to spend more than $200 million to win a World Series. Dammit, it's just not right, having to pay all that money to employees! Eeeeww! 

Trouble is, Boston spent $230 million this year, and they seem rather content with the results. Looking at 2019, they have potential weaknesses at catcher and first base, and the closer looks to be beyond his sell date. Don't be surprised if they sign a slugger or trade for an all-star catcher - a punch to the jaw of the Yankees' plans.

But wait, there's more. Could the Mets do something meaningful? What if they run out and sign Harper? (The new face of MLB, by the way.) The Yankees might suddenly lose their iron grip on the NYC tabloid back pages, as chronicled by this website. Or they could chase Machado, a star heading into his prime. A punch in the face.

In the past,  the Yankees several times have taken a shot to the jaw and suddenly abandoned all discipline, all plans. Remember when Boston outbid us on Dice-K, and within days, our brain trust broke the bank to put Kei Igawa in pinstripes? And it was just as the Mariners were about to sign Robbie Cano that the Yankees made their shot across the bow - signing Jacoby Ellsbury... even though it made no sense. They'd simply been punched in the face.

Remember when Boston outbid us on Yoan Moncada? Or last winter, when the Japanese Babe Ruth suddenly nixed NYC? Shots to the jaw. One left our farm system slogging through 2015, the other resulted in us becoming lashed to Moby Stanton for the next decade, a deal we still can't measure for hope or despair. 

So, the Yankees have a plan, eh? Fine. My guess is that it will last until the first big free agent signing. Then we'll see. Do we fallback, or will we rush into the center of the ring and swing like Buster Mathis? Will we dictate the market, or will we turn over that role to baseball's premier franchise. (Hint: It's not us.) 

13 comments:

TheWinWarblist said...

I mean just fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ...

John M said...

If Boston is looking for a slugger and an all-star catcher, might I suggest Mr. Ice Cream Sandwich, otherwise known as Gary "All In" Sanchez.

We could get a bunch of prospects, I bet.

Just sayin'.

Alphonso said...

I think Hal's big plan is to sign Greg Bird and Gary Sanchez to $100 million contracts.

The end dates will be when the players are in wheelchairs, watching tv in the hallway of an old age home for ballplayers. So there will be pumpkin seeds everywhere.

This way, neither of these players will have " break out" seasons for the Red Sox.

John M said...

Or, Alphonso, for us.

13bit said...

I missed you, Winnie.

KD said...

who needs Teen Wolf, the left handed slugger? who needs one of those? why, you'd need a stadium with a bizarrely short right field to have that make sense. besides, the Yankees already have way too may lefties.

TheWinWarblist said...

Bizarrely short right field ... way too many lefties ...

SNORT!

Anonymous said...

DEALING WITH THE ALL THIS RED SOX HYSTERIA IS ONE THING...

....EVEN RAY DONOVAN THREW HIS YANKEE HAT IN THE GARBAGE, (IN THIS SEASON'S FIRST EPISODE), THEN DONNED A BOSTON HAT.

....BUT DEALING WITH THE METS BEING RELEVANT AGAIN TOO?

THAT IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE.

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING.

I AIN'T PAYING THOSE OUTRAGEOUS STADIUM PRICES TO SEE BRETT GARDNER AT AGE 36. (SORRY GARDY - NO OFFENSE)...

HAL AND COOP BETTER GET ORGANIZED.

Carl Weitz said...

John M....I wouldn't trade Sanchez for prospects, especially to Boston. I think that the Marlins would trade Ralmuto to us for him because Sanchez has 4 yrs left of control at peanuts. Realmuto is now eligible for arbitration and will get a massive bump from his 2.9 million salary in 2018. Realmuto has only 2 yrs left before he can be a free agent. They are very similar players in talent. It would be a win-win for both teams.

Anonymous said...

MR. DUQUE...

I REALLY LIKE THE PHRASE...

"MOBY STANTON"

ENCOMPASSES IT ALL...LOL

Anonymous said...

THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING!

I JUST READ BRIAN COOP CASHMAN TODAY STATED HE HAS A WILLINGNESS TO RE-SIGN CC SABATHIA.

NOTHING ABOUT HAPP, KEUCHEL, EOVALDI, OR MORTON.

LIKE HOSS SAID, "LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING CHEAP."

ONCE AGAIN, I SAY....

"SEE YOU IN 2020!"

HoraceClarke66 said...

2020, ALL-CAPS? This team won't be worth watching for a long, long time...

Anonymous said...

LOL

I'M TRYING TO BE POSITIVE BY SAYING 2020, HOSS!