Sunday, November 4, 2018

Ten reasons the Yankees should go all-out after Nathan Eovaldi

If there is a Yankee god - (I once believed but have become agnostic) - it's time to call upon him (or her) to get off his fat fucking cosmic ass and spend some moohlah, some sheckles, some kroob, some zlugga, some off-da-rack-hootchy-gyi-yi-yi!  I'm talking money, raining like chips of frozen dandruff off the cryogenically preserved scalp of Ted Williams, wherever he is. 

I've heard enough crapola about the Yankee going wobbly over Bryce or Manny, or Dallas or J.A. The first answer to the 2019 dearth of pitching is Nathan Eovaldi, who soon should be declared a free agent. (Fingers crossed that he doesn't do something stupid and sign with Boston.) Here's why...

1. He's only 28, six months younger than Patrick Corbin. By comparison, J.A. Happ is 36; Dallas Keuchel is 30. Good grief, Luis Cessa and Domingo German are both 26. 

2. He is a horse, a Nolan Ryan clone, capable of throwing hard into his mid-30s. Yes, he's had two Tommy Johns. Show me a pitcher who is invulnerable. (Corbin missed all of 2014 due to a barking elbow.) 

3. He is battle-tested in New York.

4. He is battle-tested in Boston. (In fact, he is a legitimate Yankee Killer. At the least, buying him will get him off the streets.) 

5. He is battle-tested in the post-season. His epic, six-inning performance in game three was a mini-Bumgarner.

6. He is the consummate definition of the thrower who has learned the art of pitching.

7.  Even if we don't sign him, and he stays in Boston, making a huge bid will  force the Redsocks to spend more. The last thing we should do is stand aside, as penny-pinching, colluding milquetoasts, so the Redsocks get a bargain. If they offer three years, we give five. If they say five, we go seven. Let's fuck some shit up. They certainly would do it to us. 

8. He's a former Yankee who pitched admirably in his stint here. Frankly, we should have shown him loyalty after his elbow injury, rather than discard him like a bucket of chum. We could have had him for pennies on the dollar, but our front office was too busy churning roster spots, and once again, Tampa outsmarted us. (God help us, if they ever find an owner who is willing to spend.) This would make up for our error. 

9. He won't cost us a draft pick and a $500,000 budget hit, in our plans to sign Latino 16-year-olds. Both Corbin and Keuchel will do just that.

10. Signing him will wipe, for at least one joyous day, the fucking smirks on the faces of Boston fans. 

One day of respite? I'll take it. It's time to punch back. 

12 comments:

13bit said...

I concur. He would be at least one piece of a rotation that needs a few new pieces. Also, it plays into Cashman's love of re-signing people he let go of, thereby making him look clever for reeling them back into this slimy net.

Anonymous said...

I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID, MR. DUQUE....

HOWEVER!

....SOMETHING KEEPS TELLING ME, "WE HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE, STAY AWAY."

....SOMETHING KEEPS TELLING ME, "HE LOOKED GREAT FOR THEM, BUT WON'T BE NEAR AS GOOD FOR US."

....SOMETHING KEEPS TELLING ME, "HE WAS PHENOMENAL AS A RELIEVER, BUT WE WILL USE HIM AS A STARTER, AND HE WILL DISAPPOINT."

....SOMETHING KEEPS TELLING ME, "HE WON'T DOMINATE THE RED SOX, LIKE HE DOMINATED US."

....SOMETHING KEEPS TELLING ME, "HE WILL COST MONSTER MONEY...KILL US, SALARY WISE, AND BE NOWHERE NEAR WORTH IT."

...AND FINALLY...

....SOMETHING KEEPS TELLING ME, "LARRY ROTHSCHILD".

WE MAY BE FORCED TO GET EOVALDI MAINLY BECAUSE HE IS A RIGHT-HANDER WHO IS NOW DOMINATING OUR MOSTLY RIGHTY HITTING LINEUP.

NICE LINEUP BALANCE COOP.

NOW, IT MAY COST US AN ADDITIONAL $88-$90 MILLION JUST TO KEEP HIM FROM TORTURING US 7 TIMES A SEASON.

NICE MANEUVERING COOP.

FUCK IT, BUY EVERYBODY.

Alphonso said...

....SOMETHING KEEPS TELLING ME, " LARRY ROTHSCHILD."

This, to me, says it all.

13bit said...

Ditto on the Rothschild thing

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Larry "Rising ERA" Rothschild must go.

Signed,

Ivan Nova's Dad.

HoraceClarke66 said...

You are right, as usual, ALL-CAPS.

You have seen this before. It was called "Jeff Weave.:

Same build-up: "Young power arm." We got him for Theodore Roosevelt Lilly, a gutty pitcher who generally punched above his weight, and would have swept the Sox out of the playoffs in Fenway, if not for one of the biggest, bonehead plays ever made in the postseason, and one of the worst umpiring calls.

Weaver was going to be the answer to all out dreams. Instead, he was downright awful. We finally got rid of him in the infamous Kevin Brown trade—a deal which probably cost us the 2004 Disgrace Against Boston because Cooperstown chucked in a useful deliver.

Weaver staggered through several other major-league stops, looking just as bad as he had in New York.

UNTIL...after another, awful season in LA and St. Louis, something clicked in the 2006 playoffs. He had five, good-to-excellent starts in the playoffs, including the World Series clincher.

Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Doubtless Weaver, still just 29, had cracked the mystery at least! Seattle slung a one-year, $8.3 million contract at him for 2007, and Weaver....went 7-13, with a 6.20 ERA. Two final seasons, mostly as a middle- reliever, were only marginally better.

I have similar doubts about Mr. Eovaldi.

John M said...

Eovaldi has long been a personal favorite of mine, and I was flabbergasted the Yankees just let him go when they've stood by other, lesser lights. When the Sox grabbed him and we didn't--I don't think we were even interested, if I recall--I was dumbfounded. When the Sox got him, I cringed.

You can say Cashman tries to get him back for Old Home Week, like he did with Robertson. Or you can say that he shows no interest again because it just points out how stupid he was (again) for letting him go to start with.

And, of course, Larry Rothschild.

Larry continues to be a puzzle. Enshrined somehow in the good graces of Hal and Cashdork, an invaluable piece of the coaching staff who has consistently proven to be ineffective, possibly suffering from a form of dementia and possibly incontinence. Previously good pitchers come in and suck, mediocre, problem-ridden pitchers come up and stay mediocre and problem-ridden, bad pitchers never improve. The latter has the exception of Severino, who was lousy, got better, became great, and is now Ivan Nova without the goop on his neck.

Actually, that's not fair, since Nova had very good games and really bad games, while Severino is now only mediocre to bad. ("He went four solid innings on 427 pitches! Looks like he's back on track!")

Pitchers are a crap shoot, with few exceptions, but we seem to turn them into crap if they weren't before, or at best into so-so journeymen.

So while I'd like to see Nathan rejoin us, maybe do a few commercials for Nathan's Famous, and help stabilize this travesty of a mockery of a sham of a starting rotation, I doubt he will. And if he does, I doubt he'll be that good. Larry the Lump will screw him up somehow.

Here's a thought, and I'm not sure it's a very good one. But if we don't sign CC--and let's face it, the big guy's days are numbered and he should just hang up the spikes semi-gracefully at this point--why don't we toss Lumbering Larry and hire CC to coach the staff?

Hell, he can't be worse, and he'll probably be better. And Mel Stottlemyre Jr. has been let go by the Mariners. Why not give him a try? It's the feel-good Yankees story of 2019. His dad would be so happy.

I'd pay to see that, in actual dollars, S&H Green Stamps, or boxtops.

Unknown said...

Cashman should stay away from Eovaldi. He would need to drastically overpay to get him away from Boston

TheWinWarblist said...

Ah-hem. I present reason number 11:



OUR STARTING PITCHING SUCKS! SUCKS!! SUCKS!! SUCKSSUCKSSUCKSSUCKSSUKSSUKSSUKSSUKSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

TheWinWarblist said...

Apologies to ALL CAPS, but I find myself shouting all the time now.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I thought Pineda was the guy with the goop on his neck.

Anonymous said...

NP, WARBLIST...