Saturday, November 17, 2018

Extra Extra, read all about it: A check of our Tabloid Cover Counts show an ever-shifting sports psyche in NYC... and cause for Yankee concern

With six weeks left this year - about 80 tabloid covers to go - the Mets and Jets have made the most of 2018, and the Yankees' zeitgeist dominance may be crumbling. 

As shown by our left-side cover counts, the Evil Empire still rules the sports psyche of NYC, but something isn't right within the Death Star. Even if the blues-singing duet of Hal & Bri do something spectacular in December - sign a Bryce or Manny - the Yankees will still see a 20 percent drop in front and back pages, compared to 2017.

These days, a 20 percent drop in TV ratings, or stock prices, or cleavage size - or almost anything related to marketing - would cause most corporate marketing departments to dial 9-1-1. I wonder if the Yankees have noticed? (By the way, I'm betting they have.)

Meanwhile, the Mets have already beaten their 2017 total by 30.5 covers. And the Jets - the lowly, sickly, rotten Jets - are up by 25! 

For two years now, I've been diligently tabulating the tabs, like Robert Mueller counting his indictments. I'm not sure exactly what the numbers mean, but I still recall the era when old George measured his Bronx Zoo's cultural significance by its control of the Post and Daily News back pages. Maybe it's an afterthought in this digital time, but when subway commuters bury their faces into a broadsheet rag, they still become human billboards, broadcasting on the back covers the (generally dim) fate of some NYC sports team.

What significance should we assign these cover counts? I invite you all to weigh in, but here's my take.

Yankees (Down 61 covers): Clearly, part of this drop stems from their exiting the playoffs after five games. Beating Boston would have been guaranteed at least 20 covers; winning the World Series probably 20 more. But get this: They'd still fall behind 2017. WTF? Well, 2017 was a breakout season, as Aaron Judge became the gap-toothed smiley face of NY sports. This year, they unveiled Giancarlo Stanton, who proved to be a disappointment... even though he wasn't all that bad. The Yankees won 100 games yet played the second half in a cloud of gloom. They fell behind in July, were undressed in Boston, and spent September looking over their shoulders at the possible loss of the Wild Card home field advantage. I'd say the 20 percent decrease sums it up quite well. The Yankees lost ground.

Mets (Up 30.5 covers): If you look at this team's record, there's no way they deserved a boost in media interest. But with the Yankees stumbling, the Mets gained by sheer default. Jacob de Grom - best pitcher in baseball - must have won 20 covers single-handedly, and their early season woes brought a shitload of bad attention. (Remember: Much of the covers is bad news.) I can't help but think that if the Mets rise is 2019, the NY media is aching to make them the premier team. There is fatigue in the Yankiverse. If I owned the Mets, I'd sign Bryce Harper, and we would win the 2019 tabloid battle, hands down.

The Giants (tied, at the moment): It seems amazing to see this miserable team on the verge of beating last year's cover count, unless you realize that they were actually worse last year. What is truly amazing is that the tabs still care. Putting the Giants on the back page is a function of muscle memory, like an amputee thinking he still feels a severed leg. Also, expect the Giants to win a bunch of back pages in December, as the writers rage about this sorry excuse of a tear-down. Good grief, they can't even tank well.  

The Jets (up by 25): Before any Jet fans take comfort here, let me suggest that, were I the owner of the Jets, I'd feel sick over these last two seasons. The Jets have squandered an unbelievable, nearly once-in-a-generation chance to take over NYC. If the Giants have been disgraceful, the Jets have been nearly as bad. Imagine if Sam Darnold was leading this team to the playoffs. It would Broadway Joe all over again. Instead, they might even lose the month of December to the Giants' turmoil. Terrible. 

The Knicks (down by 81): It's starting to look as though the Dolans have done the impossible: They have made the Knicks such a disaster that nobody bothers to care any more. I'm trying to think of when the Knicks were any good, and I conjure up the image of Patrick Ewing... who is now a chubby, middle-aged, gray haired man! I suppose they could win a few games and score a few covers in December, but really, who cares? Would you buy a tabloid to read about the Knicks? You don't need a sports section to tell you about the Knicks. They suck. They always do. That's all you need to know.

The Rangers (down by 9): Okay, frankly, they don't even belong on this list. For them to get attention in Gotham, they need to win a Stanley Cup. They have received one cover in 2018. One! Lebron James scored three. Fucking Robbie Cano got one, and he plays in Seattle and still jogs. Sad. What's the point?  

Next year, I'm thinking of expanding the count to rate Headline Creativity, or maybe Positive/Negative Spin on each team. (If the Post rages at the Knicks, bestowing a back page, should they also receive negative points?) It might become too subjective, but here's the real deal on this exercise in triviality:

Soon enough, folks, there will be no back pages to count. 

For now, anyway, we should give them a little attention. When they're gone... wow... I don't even want to think about it. 

6 comments:

13bit said...

We need to really hit bottom as a team, to become irrelevant, ignored, forgotten, pitied and then overlooked. We need attendance figure in the low ten thousands. We need falling revenue. We need all this and worse before Prince Hal will change his ways.

JM said...

I remember going to games in the late 60s, which were not so painful because expectations were so low. Jake Gibbs at the plate with a man on was cause for excitement. Tickets were pretty cheap. I think a box seat behind the dugout was under five bucks (memory plays tricks, though). But the best thing about it was, you could wander to a game without tickets and pick up a few of those boxies from one of the ticket windows just before game time. And the other best thing was, there were so few people in the stands sometimes that you could hear everything--the players' chatter, the umps' conversations, the sounds of ball hitting glove and bat with amazing clarity. And instead of being pounded with crap music and idiotic scoreboard videos and games, all you got was Eddie Layton pumping out an often tuneless but bouncy tune on the organ, with the sound drifting in and out and around the ballpark depending on which ways the breeze was blowing. If we could only reach those depths again. Not that I don't want to win a ring, but the past 17 years or so have been excruciating (2009 excepted). It's interesting when a team is incredibly good or incredibly bad. Everything in the middle, even if it's near but not at the top, is a study in frustration and mediocrity of various levels, kind of like what Utz must feel when faced with Wise original chips. Extremes are fun, and we can't seem to reach either end of the stick. What I wouldn't give for a team that had the sense of humor to throw a Folly Floater now and then. Lousy or great are, for me, the best seasons there can be. If it wasn't for Showalter's scowling Puritan visage this year, I coulda rooted for the Orioles, but they took all of the fun out of sucking wind. Too bad. After all, the Babe was from Baltimore, and the Highlanders came to New York when William Devery and Frank Farrell bought the (real) Baltimore Orioles and brought them to Hilltop Park. Ah, the good old days.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


The Rangers are to be congratulated for tying the number of covers devoted to Bryce Harper's Hair.

Anonymous said...

John M,

"kind of like what Utz must feel when faced with Wise original chips."

Wow, I never thought of it that way. That is one hell of an accurate analogy. Well, at least we're not the Little Debbie of snack cakes.

---

It's really been one title in 17 years? I guess so. Since the Yankees will never descend to the levels of bad that John was talking about (we don't even have losing seasons) the only way out is up.

So screw it sign Machado (That's ten back pages at least) have Utz name a snack mix after him, maybe a Cracker Jacks kind of thing with inflated ego corn kernels and no small amount of nuts. Call it Manny Munchado (That's two more back pages right there.)

Sign Harper (+10) One for the beard shave. And Add Corbin (and hope we never see the Has-bin pack page.) and let's go from there.

Here are some other back pages to help the cause...

Els-buried! Jacoby visits the Meadowlands is never seen again.

AnDON'Tjar... The shine comes off.

and "You be the Judge!" A member of the Judges Chamber snaps mid game and leaps out on the field to make a catch.

Doug K.










HoraceClarke66 said...

Love it, Doug K.!

But you know, Manny and Bryce aren't coming. I think the Yanks have made that pretty clear already. It looks as though Philly will sign both, which will lead to yet another humiliation, as the Phillies zoom past us along with the Red Sox.

Maybe next year's World Series will be Philly-Boston, with leering, drunken carloads full of Phillies and Red Sox fans tearing through New York and New Jersey and those forlorn outposts in Connecticut the Evil Empire still controls, laughing and taunting us.

Best we can hope for out of this postseason is Corbin, Happ, and no wretchedly stupid trades by our Abby Normal Brain Trust. Even that's a tall order.

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