Friday, June 19, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Minny Meanies Mowed Down by LeMahieu Slam. Yanks Win a Barn-Burner in the Twin Cities.

The Virtual New York Yankees today finally managed to harpoon, haul down, and club the Minnesota Twins like so many pathetic baby seals tonight, taking a 14-11 win in ten innings, for their fifth victory in a row.

Yanks starter Clarke Schmidt had one of the worst outings of his surprising rookie season, surrendering six runs in just three innings.  But the lead changed hands more often than the city of Seoul during the Korean War, which each team mounting determined comebacks.

The Twins got long home runs from former Yankee prospect Jake "Man" Cave, Max "Effect" Kepler, and utility infielder Drew "Gift of the" Maggi.

But Twins' starter Homer Bailey showed that they don't call him "Homer" for nothing.  (They in fact call him Homer because his parents named him that.)  Bailey surrendered a shot halfway up to the Iron Range early on, from Clint Frazier, while Gary Sanchez, Gleyber Torres, and Mike Ford all joined the parade of dancing snacks, headed to the lobby to have themselves a poke.

Miguel Andujar added three doubles—and all despite the efforts of Minnesota "pitchers" to keep the game in hand by handing out closer shaves than Noxzema.  Twins relievers Dakota "Lakota" Chalmers and Jonathan "Cat" Cheshire hit two Yankees apiece with pitches.

It made little difference, for in the tenth inning it all came down to Tyler "The Man Auto-Correct Loves to Call Clip-Art" Clippard, who gave up a two-out, two-strike, grand slam home run to D.J. LeMahieu.  The Twins managed to scrape one back in bottom of the inning on a single by rookie call-up Joe Cronin, but Chad Green hung on for the win, after Manager Ma Boone reassured his rattled pitcher that it was not, in fact, 1935.

It was (another) disappointing loss to the Yankees for Minnesota, but it was unclear how many in the Land of a Thousand Lakes were even paying attention, as former governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura announced his intention to run as a third-party candidate in the presidential election.

Ventura's entry into the race is not expected to stir more than local interest in a race President Trump currently leads by 20 points in some polls, after the Dow Jones Average topped the 40,000 mark last week.  It could mean two Minnesotans on the ballot in November, though, as Amy Klobuchar continues to hold a slight delegate lead in the Democratic primaries.


JM said...

Ty is still not the guy.

Hoss, I don't always comment, but your posts about the virtual games make me laugh every time. Thanks!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Thanks, JM!

13bit said...

Minnesota can suck my virtual balls, kiss my virtual ass, and blow my actual Louisville Slugger...

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