Of course, regular readers - you know who you are - have no problem leveling the tackling dummy of independent research. Most importantly, you know when I - and others here - purposely say bad things about the Yankees - our heroes - in order to spur action by the juju gods.
Listen: It is one of the saddest tasks in my life, occasionally having to badmouth the Yankees, and even call them names, such as Clay Pidgeon and Flopsie Verdugo. I take no pleasure in this, but it simply must be done.
For example, yesterday, I suggested there was no way that the Yankees would sweep the Chicago Cubs, merely based on how the team has folded like a Hershey's wrapper over the last two months in pressure situations. In doing this, I was adhering to the fundamental Rule of Juju:
Nothing good ever comes from speaking positively about your team. Always stay negative.
Remember: As long as you panned them, if your team loses, at least you were right. And if it wins, you can take rightful credit for compelling the juju gods to take action.
In my daily work this season, whenever I speak ill of the Yankees, there is a purpose behind each carefully chosen verb, adverb and adjective.
Which brings me to the "other" team in New York that has haunted my life.
I am referring to the NY Football Giants.
Under no circumstances do I want anyone to think that when I criticize the Giants, I am merely working the refs of juju. No sir.
When I say bad things about the Giants, I am striving to speak the Universal Truth about the most pathetic human organization on this planet. No group, not in the farthest big-footed mountains of New Zealand or the volcanic burn fields of Iceland, is there a grouping of human beings as sordid and pure crapola as the Giants.
Yesterday, I spent 45 minutes trying to tap into a Giants game on TV - (I was in Philadelphia for family shit) - without paying a surcharge because - well, it's the fucking Giants - and when I finally figured it out, they were down by 20 points, and why bother?
We can rightfully complain about Food Stamps Hal and Cooperstown Cashman, but they do not compare with John Mara and Steve Tisch, the rancid owners of the Giants, who are the arguments for billionaire euthanasia.
For the record... When I bash the Giants, there is no juju involved. It is an expression of pure, felony-grade bile.
And make no mistake: The Giants flat-out suck.
FINAL NOTE: Whoever signed off on those horrible uniforms should be shot.
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14 comments:
Those Giants uniforms are pretty bad. So much red. Yo, guys, they're called "Big Blue." That should have been a tipoff.
Dabal turns out to be a mini-Cashman, in the sense that his ego is bigger than his ability. He fires the offensive coordinator, decides he himself will call the plays, and we get yesterday.
And good thing they let Saquon walk, eh? Like results, running backs aren't supposed to matter these days. But like results, they actually do.
The "improved" offensive line may well be improved, but Daniel Jones? Yes, he can run, but come on. Isn't it time to move on already?
There are many other equally valid arguments for billionaire euthanasia, but I am comfortable going with John Mara and Steve Tisch.
What are these Giants that you’re all going on about? Perhaps to ease the stress and anxiety levels one of those Giant Killers should be recruited and employed - right after you figure out how to down that beanstalk. I remember hearing once that that might help as well
Sorry, AA. That beanstalk is the property of the National Football League, and may not be used for any purpose beyond this broadcast.
Yes but tell us about the Rizzutons
Those Giants unis are certainly putrid. But they are exact replicas of the one they first donned in their inaugural season, which is why they wore them yesterday.
Yes, the Giants ownership, especially after Tisch became an equal partner, has been incompetant in hiring good GMs and coaches. Even when they hired George Young in the late 70's, it was on Pete Rozelle's recommendation and involvement. Then, another Rozelle protege, Ernie Accorsi, Young's assistant was an easy decision.
But right up there in worst team ownership-perhaps the worst-is James "The Drunk" Dolan. Even they eclipsed the Giants in futility by going 11 years without a playoff appearance and a 50 year drought and counting without a championship. And Dolan has more contempt towards the team's fans base and players than the fans despise him as an owner.
I'm so bored I might go to the gym early.
Hence my "Why We Stink" series earlier this year. Our elected representatives were nuts (or well-bribed) to give our nepo clown owners so many billions in subsidies over the years.
When they threatened to move, our response should've been, "Oh yeah? We'll have another—better—team here in a New York minute." If they had rejoined, "The league won't let you do that!" we could have parried, "Our anti-trust law legal team is ready to go! And if that doesn't work, we'll start a new league next week."
Instead, we caved—and we got this. Ugh.
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Did someone truly think that Daniel Jones was a Super Bowl level QB? Especially now? Every minute of him at QB is just more delay from a return to relevance. Steinbrenner will be Mara in 20 years.
No Juju Duque. Dispite the record, total ineptitude. If the Yankees are down even a run after the first inning.....IT'S A LOSS.
Carbon copy of last season first game. But last year they got beat by the Dallas Cowboys. This year, they got beat by Sam Fucking Darnold...
The minute I heard they were going to wear some funky uniform, honoring a bunch of long dead players, from the era of leather helmets, I knew they were going to lose. That is a pretty safe bet anyway. I don't think they have won a home opener in 10 years maybe more. But this year's team is a disgrace to the game.
I think they need to make "adjustments."
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