The Great Bore Is Over

ALL STAR GAME ENDS AT 2:00 AM.

The night out for the over priviledged has finally come to an end. All the movie stars, starlet wanna-bees, and babes on the prowl are back in their nests, after the fashion parade last night at the Stadium.

Jonothon Popelebom's irreverant and amateurish antics are packed, and back on the plane. The MVP trophy is on the same plane, which is clear evidence that this country is bordering on collapse.

So now, finally, we get to look forward to the real season.

As a kick-off to the second half, I have to share with you an email I received from Alphonso who is ( apparently ) attempting to freeze tequila-based popcorn balls down at his Southern Mexico Independent Dirt Field League bar hangout.

" Hey Duque, Hey Bernie, Hey Wailen, Hey Crazy Tom, Hey Moose ..Hey everyone....I have another idea for a wager:

1. Neither Hughes nor Kennedy will have a Yankee win by the end of September.

2. Barry Bonds, Eric Milton, and that 6 foot 8 inch .218 hitter will all be in pinstripes by the end of this season. The newly slim Barry will play for Derek when our SS needs a rest; Eric will fill in for Joba, who will be back in his 8th inning role after pitching seven more starts (3 runs; 7 K's; 1 walk; 6+inning games) and earning zero additional wins; and Richie Sexton ( are you listening Madonna?) will DH and play power forward for the Knicks.

3. Jose Tabata will be on the DL for Scranton before July is finished. While out of uniform, he'll open a "White Castle" franchise next to the Dunder-Miflin plant and get richer..and heavier...and slower. He will, however, gain arm strength flippin sliders.

4. Action Jackson, Alan Horne, Dellin Bettances , Mitch Helligoss, and Jose Melancon will be offered in a package for anyone in the Phillies' farm system.

5. Chad Moeller will be our everyday catcher by September.

Alphosno is looking for odds on any individual bet or the the quintrifecta listed above.