Yank Woes Go on: Madonna to Join Jorge, Godzilla, on DL

Could be out for Season

Brian Cashman will be beating the bushes to sign a new celebrity distraction, following revelations Monday that popstar Madonna may undergo knee surgery and be lost until 2009.

"We understand that she wants to play in pain, but it might be better for her to simply rest six months and come back strong in spring training," Yankee manager Joe Girardi said. "When she's on her game -- I mean, really on her game -- she could go through not only ARod, but our entire team. She can pitch. She can catch. She can play every position. That's the kind of production you expect of a superstar like Madonna. But to watch her gimping around the clubhouse, trying seduce Joba in that Hoverfun motorized wheelchair, well, it's just too tough."

Cashman is looking at signing several potential replacement distractions for this year's pennant drive. Paris Hilton is always on the market, and several top genetic research facilities located in Aruba have suggested that she be cross-pollinated with Sir Sidney Ponson. The resulting strain, Sir Paris Ponson, could raise partying to levels not yet achieved by the human species.

Other possible free agent distraction pickups include Britney Spears, Mary Cheney and Mike Piazza.

"It's going to be tough without Madonna," Cashman said. "We're playing our hearts out, bidding farewell to a majestic old ball field. Not only that, but it's the last year of Yankee Stadium, too."