According to plans released by the Yankees, the 50something former popstar/actress and author of childrens books will be brought forth between Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez, and it will be her first time in that position.
Following a brief plate appearance, Madonna will run the bases, perform squat thrusts with Sir Sidney Ponson to the song "Papa Don't Preach," then showcase her strength and conditioning by bench pressing Yogi Berra 50 times.
"We are excited about welcoming Dame Madonna, the First Lady of Pinstripes," Yank owner son Hank Steinbrenner announced Tuesday. "She brings to Old-Timers Day the kind of aura and mystique that the guys love. Frankly, if not for her, we couldn't have lured Rickie Henderson back. She was the inspiration for his Snatch grab. Actually, I don't know about that. I'm just figuring that when she sees me, who knows, maybe she'll throw me in the sack. I hope she wears the metal bra thing. Can you smoke in Kaballah? Don't quote me, Abraham. Wait. You're recording this? Damn it. Turn that off you sonova-"
Following the game, Madonna's performance Teddy will be formally retired in special ceremonies at Monument Park.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Yanks to Welcome Madonna to Old-Timers Game
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2 comments:
Look at her (ugh!). She's jerked off so many guys her arms are JACKED and her hand has frozen in the shape of a jizz-enducing claw!
She even frightens me.
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