A secret white paper, circulating around Boston, recently turned up in the files of our National Security Advisor. A Yankee fan employee of this august body, digitized a copy and sent it to IIH, IIF, IIc.
This document reveals, without any shadow of doubt, that the Red Sox spiked a drink of A-Rods ( while he was lap dancing at the infamous Boston strip club last season ) with the Kabbala virus.
The Red sox knew that A-Rod would subsequently enjoy an increased libido and a decreased ability to hit a baseball when it mattered.
When A-rod returned to the Yankee dugout, he had the "flu," he said. So the Kabbala germ spread to all the players then on the team with each pumkin seed he spit onto the floor.
The results are clear:
1. Robbie Cano was forced to swing at all first pitches and hit .250.
2. The team gave up hitting with RISPs.
3. Mariano was stricken with an inability to hold tie games for the Yanks at home.
4. All players were hit by pitches and most stars, eventually, sent to the DL with asssorted injuries.
5. Several players contracted the dreaded " Lis Franc " injury, which is a clear symptom of Kabbalism.
6. Due to the regular " shuttle " between the stadium and Scranton, an offshoot of the Kabbala virus spread into the Yankee minor league system, rendering all prospects .270 hitters at best.
It should be noted, here and now, that most Kabbalized teams do not make the playoffs.
And only one player gets to play at "Madge's Alter of Joy," which can create clubhouse dissention and yearning.
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