Yankeetorial: The Times Ponders Potty Parity; We Question Troubling Troughs

To the Yankiverse,

Today's Times asks if restroom lines at the new "cathedral" will be equal -- another example of the socialist death grip that currently squeezes our nation's genitalia.

For decades, if not centuries, women have complained that their toilet waits run far longer than those for men -- as if it is men who are standing there in front of them. Yes, it's our fault! Yes, we've caused them to be stuck in line for 40 minutes, while we're dancing back in our seats, singing, as our newly purchased beers chase down tablets of Flomax! Ohhhh, it's all our fault.

You women who are complaining about long waits? You know what to do. You have the power. Don't look at us.

But thus far, stadium reviewers have failed to address one key question on the minds of male bloggers such as Alphonso, the type of men who raises fighting dogs.

Does the new park have gleaming white urinals or -- like other top-shelf luxury facilities, most notabily the ultra-swank Carrier Dome in Syracuse, NY -- long, ugly chrome troughs?

If it's troughs... knock it down. Now.

For decades, the thought of our saline fluids mingling with a stranger's water brings our blood to a boil. We won't describe the image. It's too gruesome. It's too horrible. It's too -- ohhh -- your perfect golden stream splashes against the wall, then creeps along the metal to splay itself into another man's sickening green tendril of liquidity, merging into a clown-eyes yellow torrent, which forms a frothy column that pinwheels down the drain...

Women: Here is our best offer...

If there are chrome troughs, we can unite -- males and females -- through grassroots spirit in the form a national movement... a movement of Pee Parties... like the Boston Tea Party of Revolutionary War. We'll meet in the harbors. We'll surround them. We'll all drop our trousers and we will send the tyrants a message they will never forget.

Pee Parties. REMEMBER: WE SURROUND THEM.