Redsock forensic investigators (right) excavate the remains of David Ortiz, who was found Wednesday buried next to Jimmy Hoffa in a men's stall of the Vince Lombardi Rest Stop on the New Jersey Turnpike. Ortiz had been missing for six months, with an imposter assuming his role with the team. Coroners say Ortiz original 320-pound body had evaporated but for several lip fragments, which clung to a warm, beloving smile, even in death. Original tests mistakenly linked the DNA to that of former Redsock legend Mo Vaughn. Ortiz' remains will ride a funeral train to Boston, where the ashes of his smile will be ceremonially cemented into the bottom of Ben Affleck's swimming pool.
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