Cooperstown set to waive career requirement for Daniel Bard

COOPERSTOWN _ The National Baseball Hall of Fame today announced it will drop outmoded past career achievement requirements in order to induct Boston Redsock great Daniel Bard immediately, perhaps by this weekend.

Officials say the move stems from a unanimous vote by the MLB Board of Doddering and Swarmy ESPN Baseball Sportswriters, who have recognized Bard's long-underappreciated work.

"They're doing the right thing," said a white-haired ESPN analyst and former Boston sportswriter, who gave his name only as Peter. "There's no doubt that Bard is the best. Ever. Better that Papelbon, who wants too much money. By getting in on the ground floor, fans can appreciate him now, rather than waiting until he's 45."

Bard's bronze plaque will hang next to that of Jacoby Ellsbury's in the Hall's special Boston wing, a breathtaking piece of shrinery designed in the shape of a 400-foot syringe.