Top 10 Reasons Mark Teixtiera Will Appear on Letterman Monday

10. Conan is hosting Joe Mauer.

9. Chance to show Paul Schaffer true meaning of "switch hitter."

8. Who can sleep after sweeping Redsocks at Fenway!

7. Yearning to show David what it's like to be "driven by Jeep."

6. Only person aside from Pavano capable of explaining Obama's health care proposal.

5. Waited years to perform impersonation of Larry "Bud" Melman.

4. Outside chance of meeting Rudy Guiliani.

3. Nothing else to do on a Monday in New York.

2. Need somebody to cut tension between guests Minka Kelly and Kate Hudson.

1. Nick Swisher turned it down.