Excerpts about the Yankees from Sarah Palin's book

"Sidney Ponson?" I said. "Are you nuts? He's a drunk, not a fifth starter! We gotta say something! This is the issue we've been waiting for!"
I went to each member of the team and pleaded my case. It was hopeless. Old Man McCain just shook his head.
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The shoes fit perfectly and matched my glasses, but the price tag... five thousand big ones! Mama mia! It was a stretch. But then I thought, "Hey, if A-Rod doesn't feel good about himself when he goes out to play, isn't he cheating his fans?"
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The doctor looked at the results sadly and something might be wrong. "We have to deal with the possibility..." and then he stopped, unable to say more. "What?" I yelled. "What are you saying about my baby?" He shook his head. "Sarah," he said, "would you still bear this child if I told you he might grow up to be a Kevin Youkilis?"
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I turned the corner, and there she was: Tina Fey, ugly as a mole, picking her nose and sucking on a chicken bone, acting as if she owned the place. She thought she was big. "Hey, Gilda Radner," I said. "You wanna beanball war? We can have a beanball war. Up in Alaska, they call me Rocket. I'm always looking for a Piazza."
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Of course I dreamed of working for ESPN. What sportsgirl doesn't? Hell, why do think I named my daughter Bristol!
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"Bonzai!" he yelled, mimicking a pitch to the plate, then wheeling around to pretend to watch a ball disappear over the left field wall. With his hilarious Kei Igawa imitation, Cheney had us all rolling on the floor.