Congressional Vote Reveals Pockets of Yankee Hatred

House Resolution 893 -- congratulating the New York Yankees for winning the World Series -- passed last week by a vote of 386 to 17, with 11 Congressmen voting "present."

Here it is, folks. Gaze into the abyss -- the lawless territories where hate outshines even the smile of Mariano Rivera, the areas full of religious-nutjob-crackhead-rapists of dogs, who congregate on trash-filled hillsides in California and middle Floriduh.

See that miserable speck of West Virginia? That's where the one person with health insurance got shot last week.

The region in Iowa? That's where they sell bedsheets with eye-slits.

That white part of Upstate New York? It was too cold to vote.

The gutless regions of Vermont and New Hampshire, where the politicians didn't have the balls to take a stand.

Here it is, folks: American politics.

But the hatred must end.

WE AS YANKEE FANS, ANNOINTED BY THE OILS OF OUR 27TH WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP, MUST END THE HATRED. NOW.

WE CAN DO THIS BY FORGIVING ONE OF THE GREAT WAR CRIMINALS OF OUR ERA, PEDRO MARTINEZ, WHO IS NOW OLD AND DECREPIT AND A THREAT TO NO ONE. WHY SHOULD THIS SAD MAN BE TREATED DISRESPECTFULLY? HE SIMPLY TRIED TO PLAY THE GAME.

VOTE FOR PEDRO!