Yankeetorial: ESPN should hire John and Suzyn for Sunday Night Baseball

To the Yankiverse:

Nothing you do in the rest of your life will be as important as the act of reading this post. Right now. Yes, this. Here. Now. So keep reading.

Today, we can change the world!

Yesterday, ESPN -- Eastern Sports Pedroia Network -- cleaned house on its feeble Sunday Night Baseball team of Jon Miller and Joe Morgan, whose lack of baseball knowledge would be laughable if not for their hotter-than-a-million-suns hatred for the Yankees. Of course, we expected such treatment at ESPN, which generally treats the Yankees as Fox News did Alan Colmes.

But now, with the deadwood gone, it's time to mount our campaign:

SUNDAY NIGHT WINWARBLES.

"The Pirates win... Thuuuuh Pirates win!"

SUNDAY NIGHT HOME RUN CALLS.

"Jose Uribe... Ho-say can you see...!"

SUNDAY NIGHT DAILY NEWS FIFTHS.

"So, what are you hearing about the Mariners' next impending roster move?"

LITTLE DEBBIE SNACK CAKES FOR ALL.

"And Pujols is safe at second with a double. Keep your family safe and secure... with New York Life.."

It's time for Sunday Night Baseball -- driven by Jeep.