Monday, December 30, 2013

Top 10 revelations from today's emails between A-Rod and Handy Randy Levine

Today, New York Mag - which owns the A-Rod story - posted emails (probably taken from the NSA) between  Alex "Chip" Rodriguez and Randy Levine, the curly-haired president of the Yankees. They are a treasure trove of insights into two iconic New York personalities. Ten findings:

1. Joking email banter dries up fast when lawyers appear. In 2011, Randy writes "U are the man. I told u that for years. U can and will do it." This year, looking at litigation, he says, "My focus and direction, as well as that of the entire Yankees organization, has been, and continues to be, to treat you in the same manner as we do all of our players, to have you healthy and ready to play as soon as possible." Ouch.

2. There's no such thing as one email from Randy Levine. He seems like one of those guys who always writes a quick reply, even if there is nothing to say.

 3. These guys deserve each other. It's really too bad if litigation ruins their friendship.

4. A-Rod must be a number-cruncher. At one point, he says, "People have been telling me that you have an 8% bounty on my contract." Wow. An eight percent bounty? That's 8 percent of $250 million? Count me in. 

5. More kinky stuff may be coming. At another point, Randy writes, "Pictures of party at your house circulating all around tonight." Well, let's see 'em!

6. A-Rod, in one email reply, says only "HA!" That's the same thing he famously shouted one night at Toronto Blue Jay infielders, causing them to allow a pop-up to drop. Was A-Rod attempting a catch phrase?

7. As motivational writer, Randy Levine is horrible. "Take the challenge, get mad, get determined, and shut everyone up and perform to greater levels. I believe in u." Gahp. Did he write lyrics for Bonnie Tyler?

8. Both men are ass-kissing suck-ups. Randy tells A-Rod he's the team leader (Sorry, Jeet) and should play with a "chip" on his shoulder. Thus, A-Rod signs his emails "Chip." Barf. It's a wonder they don't call each other "Captain" and "Admiral."

9. Randy jokes about Robbie Cano using steroids. No conspiracy theory here. Just wondering why that came out?

10. Last February, A-Rod was a tortured soul. "I’m feeling left out, I can’t be with the team at spring training and this leaves an empty hole in my life." A total eclipse of the heart.

1 comment:

Motofoto said...

I wonder if Randy ever pulled a move like Robin Williams's character in One Hour Photo, breaking in and taking a dump while A-Rod was out, fantasizing about what it would be like to take a dump there without having to sneak in.